TITLE : Across the Road
AUTHOR : Arlyn Jayde
EMAIL :
PAIRING : Kim Nam-Il/Song Chong-Gug
RATING : NC-17
ARCHIVE : Football Fiction Archive, anyone else ask first
DISCLAIMER : Don't own them, don't know them, don't sue me.
SUMMARY : Reunited in a foreign land, Nam-Il seeks to help cure Chong-Gug's blues..


I need to be around you
I want to fall into your eyes
I love to feel you close to me
But there's no peace of mind

So kiss the thought of leaving
Love me now for always knowing when to let you go
A change of life is hard to find
'Cause there's no peace of mind

If you ever need somebody
If you ever need somebody to love you
If you ever need somebody
Count on me

"Count on Me" - Tonic

February 2003
De Kuip, Rotterdam

Paul Bosvelt felt a tap on his shoulder as the Feyenoord team walked into the grounds of De Kuip, ready to begin their training session. It was the big man Pierre Van Hooijdonk who had tapped him, and the tall striker leaned in close to speak to his captain.

"Is that him?" he asked. "Is that the new Korean guy?"

Paul squinted towards the far end of the field, where a player bundled up in the cold-weather training gear was doing some ball-passing exercises, under the close observation of several trainers and assistant coaches.

He had an unmistakably Asian face, his eyes large and his hair worn close-cropped and dyed a black-brown shade-at first glance he looked a little like Shinji, though this man was taller.

"Yes, that's him."

"What's he doing here? I thought he'd be across the road training with Excelsior."

"Baan wants him to train here as much as he can, so that Van Marwijk and the others can keep a closer eye on him, see if he's any good." Paul explained.

"What's his name?" Pierre asked. "You remember? I keep forgetting.."

"Kim..Kim somebody." Paul fought to recall. "Kim..Kim.."

"NAM-IL!!" The ungodly shriek made all the Feyenoord players turn their heads, and Paul saw that it was Chong-Gug, who'd been one of the last players to enter the stadium and had obviously noticed his fellow Korean.

Before Paul knew it, Chong-Gug had dropped all of his things and ran straight into the field, sprinting towards his friend. The other Korean saw him, and immediately a smile lit up his face and he stopped passing the ball with his feet, his eyes fixed on Chong-Gug. Paul watched as Chong-Gug bounded towards his friend and unabashedly leapt into his embrace, flinging his arms around him. The impact would've been enough to knock someone to the ground, but apparently this particular guy was strong on his legs.

"Well, look at that.." Pierre commented amusedly. "Aren't they just cute?"

Paul had to admit so, and the other Feyenoord players were also smiling and laughing good-naturedly at the two Koreans' affectionate display, and Chong-Gug looked decidedly happier than he'd ever been for the past few months or so. He was too far away to tell, but Paul could swear the youngster was holding back tears as he embraced his friend.

"He has a friend now.." Paul said. "That should help his spirits."

"I know." Pierre agreed. "After all, that injury is still bothering him and God knows when he's going to be fully fit again.."

Paul knew this, of course, but looking at Chong-Gug now he decided that the young man couldn't care less. He was gleefully laughing and joking with Kim Nam-Il, obviously the two were very close friends, and Paul was happy for them. Chong-Gug could barely hide his disappointment the first time he found out that his friend would be signing for Excelsior and not Feyenoord, though Paul had assured him repeatedly that the reason was not for the new player's lack of skill. They simply did not have a place for him.

Across the field, Chong-gug finally disentangled himself from his friend, apologizing to the assistant trainer along the way in that decidedly Asian manner of his, bowing deeply while placing his hands on his knees. The trainer, of course, merely smiled at him and waved him off, and Chong-Gug happily rejoined the group just as they entered the field.

"That your friend?" Paul asked him.

Chong-Gug nodded. "Yes. My friend. Nam-Il, Kim Nam-Il."

"Kim Nam-Il." Pierre repeated. "I'll try to keep that in mind."

"He's good..he's a good player.." Chong-Gug said.

"If he's here, he must be.." Paul said, then smiled at the Korean youngster. "You look happy."

"Very happy." Pierre added.

Chong-Gug smiled, a little sheepishly. "He's my friend..now he's here. I'm very happy."

The words were in simple Dutch, spoken haltingly with a mild little accent, but there was no denying his nearly uncontainable joy. Paul smiled, glad that he could see that grin on the Korean youngster's face again-happiness he'd long not seen from Chong-Gug, even before his injury. The dark cloud that seemed to hang over his quiet demeanor faded, albeit only for a short while, and Paul could see the bright, alert young man he first met last August, newly-arrived and full of promises.

"If you're happy, then we all are." he told Chong-Gug.

The young player smiled back, and as he threw a glance across the field to where his friend was once again engrossed in passing exercises, Paul saw him heave a deep sigh. The look on his eyes was longing, and Paul wondered why. Whoever this Kim Nam-Il was, Chong-Gug certainly cared a great deal for him.


When the last of the reporters had filed out of the conference room and the flashes of the cameras no longer blinded his eyes, Kim Nam-Il threw an arm around Song Chong-Gug's shoulders and gave it a squeeze. Chong-Gug looked at him, smiling wide and proudly as Nam-Il stood wearing the Excelsior jersey he'd put on for his first official presentation to the Dutch press.

Rob Baan, the Feyenoord technical director, also left the room followed by the rest of the Feyenoord officials, and after speaking a few words with them Nam-Il's interpreter also took his leave. At last, Chong-Gug and Nam-Il were left standing alone in the

"Are we free to go now?" he asked.

Chong-Gug nodded. He was dressed casually in a thick brown sweater and a pair of black trousers, since his presence at the press conference was not to serve any official function, other than that the press wanted to see Rotterdam's two Korean football stars together.

"So..is dinner on for tonight?" Chong-Gug asked.

"Sure." Nam-Il said. "Where do you want to go?"

Chong-Gug looked thoughtful. "Well..I was thinking that I'd rather have a quiet dinner at my apartment, you know..we can order Korean food from this nice restaurant downtown..unless you really want to go out."

Nam-Il shrugged. "No, that suits me just fine..will your brother and his wife be there?"

"No.." Chong-Gug shook his head. "They're traveling around the country for a little sightseeing..I figured they need time to be alone, too..they've not been married too long, anyway."

Nam-Il smiled understandingly. "So we'll have the place all to ourselves, then?"

"Yeah..I guess so." Chong-Gug said. "What do you think about having a little soju to go along with it?"

"Soju?" Nam-Il raised his eyebrows. "Haven't had that for some time."

Chong-Gug grinned. "All the more reason for us to have it now, then..to celebrate."

"Okay, then.." Nam-Il said. "But I must say, I don't take alcohol too well. Never mind something as strong as soju."

"I don't take alcohol too well, either.." Chong-Gug said. "Besides, we're in the middle of a season. We'll be moderate."

Nam-Il glanced at the watch he wore on his left wrist. "What time should I come over?"

"How about seven?" Chong-Gug suggested. "I'll order the food as soon as I get home, so it'll be ready by the time you arrive."

"Sounds good to me." Nam-Il said. "What are we having?"

"Let's have the full set meal.." Chong-Gug said. "I've tried it-as good as it is back home, believe me."

"Can't wait.." Nam-Il smiled. "Oh, and don't forget to order me some-"

"Kimchi pot stew." Chong-Gug finished for him. "I know. Your favourite."

"You remembered." Nam-Il remarked amusedly. "Okay then..I'll see you at seven."

With a last smile to each other the two friends parted, and Chong-Gug stared longingly after Nam-Il as the other man stepped out of the conference room, casually pulling the jersey up over his head as he did so, humming a tune to himself.

Still the same old Nam-Il. Still doing things his own way, a little on the eccentric side, never fitting to anyone's pre-determined expectations. Chong-Gug sighed, but his smile did not diminish. Nam-Il was here. Actually here, in Holland, with him. With luck, he might just be Chong-Gug's teammate by the time the next season rolled. Someone who knew him, who understood his ache and loneliness, who could relate to him on a level that even his brother, as much as he loved Chong-Gug, could not.

Chong-Gug brushed a stray hair away from his face, feeling a little guilty at his last thought. Chong-Hwan had always been there from him, even sacrificing some of his own life to accompany Chong-Gug in Holland, even though he hadn't been married long and doubtless had his own wishes to start a family with his wife Ji-Yeon in the relative familiarity of their homeland. And yet Chong-Gug couldn't share his pain with him, despite Chong-Hwan repeatedly assuring him that he could tell him anything and everything.

Not anything, not everything. To this day, Chong-Gug had not yet found the courage to speak to his brother about the real source of his sullen demeanor the past few months. He'd promised to Chong-Hwan to tell him when he was ready, and he simply wasn't. Returning to Holland after the long winter break that had in it, among other things, the ugly blowout with Chun-Soo and the subsequent video incident, Chong-Gug was renewed with a promise to himself that he could not let it all go to his head.

Funny that it was Uke who finally shook him awake from his denial, who shoved the hard and cold truth right in front of his face-he'd obviously taken the little striker's words for granted the first time around, after the match with Brazil, but Uke wasn't about to let that happen the second time. And thus did Chong-Gug come to realize that, along with almost everybody else, he'd fallen into the trap of mistaking Choi Tae-Uk for a naive, unassuming little boy with a pretty face.

Just a few months before that, Nam-Il had been that person. Along with Ahn, they had forced him to realize just how hopelessly flawed his perception of his love for Chun-Soo was. And how they were leading themselves on into certain trouble with the way they were going. And trust Chun-Soo to take a lesson and take it well. It took him that night and that night alone to set the ball rolling for him, setting off a chain of events that, while not always pleasant, led him to the decision that he knew would be best for them both.

After months of pain and endless soul-searching, Chong-Gug came to the question of whether or not he would ever be able to realize the truth and accept it as readily as his former lover, or anyone for that matter. It seemed a recurring pattern that he needed to see the light in the hardest way possible for things to come to the surface, for him to accept the inevitable.

Chun-Soo and him were simply not meant to be. If a mere inkling of that thought had appeared just a few months ago, even after Chun-Soo's decision, Chong-Gug would as quickly as he could shun it away, not wanting to even consider it a possibility. But Chun-Soo, and later Uke, had made him realize that not only was it a possibility, it was the truth. And if he wanted love, he'd have to look elsewhere.

--If your happiness lies elsewhere, with another person, I want you to go after it.--

And just who was that other person, he wondered. A question that had long resided in his mind, and he was no closer to the answer than he was the first time it appeared. Chong-Gug looked around the deserted conference room, rekindling memories of the time when he was a newly arrived signing, gasping in awe of nearly everything he saw, sitting in this very room signing his contract and being asked questions by the press.

He couldn't let that slip from him now. This was his dream, his promised land. Chun-Soo would want this for him. He would want him to go on, as strongly as he possibly could. And with or without love, he would continue. Though of course, he would much prefer not to have to dwell in this loneliness much longer..


"Hi, Uke..it's me."

"Of course it's you.." The drowsy voice replied from across the line-and across the continent. "What other crazy son-of-a-bitch would think of calling me at this hour?"

Nam-Il chuckled. "What time is it over there?"

"It's very late..or very early." Uke said. "Depends on how you look at it."

"What are you doing right now?"

"Talking to the person who's disturbed my sleep.." the voice grumbled. "And if you dare to ask me what I'm *wearing* after this I swear I'm gonna hang up."

Smiling, Nam-Il transferred the cordless phone to his other hand as he fidgeted with putting on his socks. "I think it'll be some time yet before I actually consider phone sex, Uke.."

"Don't rush it." Uke deadpanned. "I haven't quite brushed up on my dirty vocabulary yet.."

"I think you'd be a natural." Nam-Il said. "Anyway, just wanted to tell you that I had my first official press conference today.."

"Oh.." Uke said. "So I can expect your face all over the papers, tomorrow.."

"Maybe." Nam-Il said.

"Was Chong-Gug there?"

"Yeah, he was." Nam-Il said as he slipped into his shoes. "We're gonna have dinner tonight. He's ordering some Korean food-the full set-and we'll have it together at his apartment."

"They have kimchi pot stew over there?" Uke sounded amazed.

"Apparently they do." Nam-Il said. "Chong-Gug told me it's good, too."

"Well, go on and have a good time, then.." Uke said as he stifled a yawn. "Don't drink too much."

"I won't." Nam-Il assured him.

"How is Chong-Gug, anyway?"

"He looked fine..and I mean for real. You should've seen him when he first saw me in the training pitch.." Nam-Il said. "He just ran right into me and nearly knocked me over. And everybody just laughed at us."

Across the line, Uke gave a small chuckle. "I can imagine..he must've been very happy to see you. He really could use a friend there."

"Well, he seems a lot happier than the last time we..you know, saw him."

"I'm glad to hear that." Uke said, his voice sounding serious. "Nam-Il.."

"Yes?"

"You remember what I said before you left, don't you?"

"Of course I do." Nam-Il replied.

"Then go on and have fun." Uke said. "And fill me in afterwards."

"I sure will.." Nam-Il said with a smile. "Oh, and Uke..just out of curiousity..what are you wearing, anyway?"

"Hmm.." Uke lowered his voice to a husky tone. "Nothing, actually."

"Really?" Nam-Il's eyebrows arched, his mind instantly filling with images of his lover alone on his bed, naked and holding the phone close to his ear. "That's a mental picture I'll take to bed with me tonight.."

"Yeah, if you're not taking someone else to bed tonight." Uke deadpanned.

They both laughed, and after a while Nam-Il cleared his throat. "You know I love you, don't you?"

"And I love you." Uke replied. "Take good care of Chong-Gug..give him my regards."

"I will. Goodbye, Uke.."

"Goodbye."


Chong-Gug observed the way the food was laid out on his dining table, frowned at its lack of arrangement, but then decided not to get fussy. Nam-Il was a notoriously messy eater anyway, and this was meant to be a pleasant dinner shared by two friends, so why all the trouble? He was sure Nam-Il couldn't care less if he had to eat his food out of a carton box, or chug down soju straight out of a bottle-well, that would probably kill him, so maybe he'd care a bit about having strong liquor served in small doses.

Nam-Il's apartment was only a few blocks away so Chong-Gug figured it would take him about fifteen minutes to walk here. The clock on his wall told him Nam-Il would arrive in no time, so he decided he should get ready. He cleared away the delivery boxes the food came in, washed his hands, and even gave a look in the mirror to make sure that he looked presentable. Why the hell he had to do that, even knowing that this was only Nam-Il, only God knows.

The door to his apartment was knocked not long after, and Chong-Gug went to undo the locks and allow his guest inside. Nam-Il stood in his doorway, bundled up in a long overcoat and with a smile on his face.

"You're a little early.." Chong-Gug commented as he allowed his friend in.

"It was cold.." Nam-Il said as he unbuttoned his coat. "So I walked faster."

Chong-Gug stood ready to accept the coat onto his hands, but in the process he could not help but stare at how Nam-Il had chosen to dress himself up. Not dressed down, as he normally would, but up. Definitely up. Under the long overcoat he wore a smart-looking black jacket, made of something that looked like suede, and a pair of black fabric trousers as opposed to his usual jeans or trainers. More enticing still was what he wore underneath the jacket, a tight-fitting shirt made out of a stretch, shimmery light blue material.

"You..you're planning on going somewhere else after dinner?" he stuttered.

Nam-Il glanced down himself in a nonchalant manner. "No, I just thought I'd try to look nice. You're all dressed up yourself.."

Was he? Chong-Gug looked down at his pale grey sweater, worn close to to the body, and the dressy pants underneath it. As a matter of fact, he was quite dressed up. Sheepishly, he looked up to his friend.

"Right." he admitted. "But you look very..different."

Nam-Il grinned and handed him the overcoat, which Chong-Gug proceeded to place on the hangrack lining the wall.

"Nice place.." Nam-Il said. "A little bigger than mine, and a little more tidy-for obvious reasons."

Chong-Gug smiled as they made their way to the living room. "My brother and sister-in-law lives next door. Their place is slightly bigger."

"When are they coming back?"

"Next weekend." Chong-Gug said. "I think they're in Amsterdam right now, enjoying the sights..call it a second honeymoon, if you will."

Nam-Il pulled off his jacket and draped it over the back of the sofa, causing Chong-Gug's breath to catch in his throat. Of all things, he just *had* to wear that shirt, didn't he? The one that showed his well-muscled arms, his toned biceps and his broad shoulders. Nam-Il seemed oblivious to it all, and Chong-Gug wondered why he was sweating like a schoolboy all of a sudden.

"If you walked down the street looking like that, you're inviting a lot of attention.." he managed to comment.

"From who?" Nam-Il smirked. "The girls..or the guys?"

"Depends on which part of town we're talking about." Chong-Gug said.

Nam-Il smiled and straightened up, and for the first time Chong-Gug noticed the trinket he wore around his neck. It was a pendant shaped like a spiral, fashioned out of what looked like a piece of seashell, white and iridescent, hanging on a black leather cord.

"Nice necklace.." he said. "Where'd you get it?"

Nam-Il reached up to finger the pendant, brushing his fingers along it. "A Maori cultural center in the Northern Island of New Zealand."

"Wow..it's beautiful."

"It's Uke's, actually. I bought it for him a few months ago, and when I was about to leave he told me to wear it-I can return it to him when I come back for international matches or whatever."

Chong-Gug was reminded to keep his thoughts in check. Of course..Uke. How could he forget? As much as Nam-Il was his close friend, and as much he expected to gain stability and comfort in the other man's presence in Rotterdam, he had to keep in mind at all times that Nam-Il belonged to someone else. He was Uke's.

"Does it..mean anything? You know, symbolically?"

Nam-Il stepped closer to let Chong-Gug examine the pendant carefully. "This shape is called the koru, and I was told that it's a very predominant shape in Maori arts and crafts..it symbolizes the harmony of life and a new beginning, they say.."

"A new beginning.." Chong-Gug murmured softly. "Did you and Uke actually need one? You seem so happy together.."

"Funny you should mention that.." Nam-Il said, and his voice was a little sullen. "All I can say is that Uke and I went through hell to get to where we are now, and there was a lot of pain involved. At one point, he just didn't want anything to do with me anymore."

Chong-Gug looked up, realizing this was the story he'd always wanted to know but never got to hear. Too long, they once told him. Nam-Il held his gaze and smiled at him.

"My fault. Entirely. I'd bore you with the details but I don't have the heart to do it to you. Suffice is to say, I learned a lot from the experience."

Chong-Gug swallowed hard into his throat, his unease more than anything caused by his close proximity to Nam-Il. He didn't know why-he'd always been close to this man, and this time was no different than the other, and deep within his mind he wondered if he really was *that* lonely.

"Well..then I guess everything..uh, turned out right in the end?" Chong-Gug stuttered.

Nam-Il smiled, and it helped his nerves none. "Yes..everything turned out okay."

Chong-Gug glanced over Nam-Il's shoulder towards the dining room. "Dinner's ready..you wanna go and have it now?"

"Lead the way.." Nam-Il said.

They sat down at the circular dining table and immediately began helping themselves. Chong-Gug observed as Nam-Il took a taste of his kimchi pot stew and made a thoughtful expression.

"What's wrong? Not good?"

"No, it tastes just fine.." Nam-Il said as he dipped his chopsticks in for more. "..but it's not spicy enough."

Chong-Gug laughed. "They have to tone it down for local tastes..just put some hot sauce in it, should be just right."

Dinner was eaten and enjoyed thoroughly, and the conversation flowed easily for Chong-Gug, his unease vanishing as Nam-Il sat beside him, eating as ravenously as ever, reminding him that this was just the same old Kim Nam-Il, after all.

"I have to take you out to eat Dutch food someday.." Chong-Gug said. "You'll like it. Especially the cheese."

"I've had some Dutch food.." Nam-Il said. "But I haven't tried the cheese yet."

Once dinner was finished, they both cleared the dishes, and then retreated back to the living room with a bottle of soju and two shot glasses. Chong-Gug was a little nervous as he opened the bottle-he really didn't handle liquor very well, but he figured this was a special night and they had a lot to celebrate, so why not?

He poured some for Nam-Il and himself, then replaced the bottle on the coffee table and lifted the glass.

"What shall we drink to?"

"To friendship.." Nam-Il said.

"Yes, friendship..and to the start of your European career." Chong-Gug added.

They toasted and drank, Chong-Gug being extra careful to go easy on himself, gulping a small mouthful and instantly feeling its effects. The alcohol burned its way down his throat and sent a tingle all the way up to his head, but across from him Nam-Il took his entire shot and downed it all at once, casually.

Frowning, and not wanting to be outdone, Chong-Gug lifted the glass back towards his mouth, downed the rest of its contents, and sure enough his head started spinning.

"Wow.." he heard Nam-Il exclaim. "This is pretty strong stuff."

"Yeah.." Chong-Gug said. "Pretty strong."

"Chong-Gug? You okay there?"

"I am." he said, lying through his teeth. "How about another shot?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah! Why not? We're celebrating, anyway.." Chong-Gug said, putting on a brave face and picking up the bottle once again. His hand nearly dropped the bottle in the process of pouring another round for both of them, and Nam-Il eyed him with scrutiny, but he tried to hide his rapidly dissolving consciousness with a silly grin.

"What shall we drink to this time?" Nam-Il said as he lifted his glass.

"To friends, once again.." Chong-Gug said. "And to things that give you an excuse to get wasted."

Nam-Il laughed, and brought his glass to his lips. Chong-Gug did likewise, but only managed to get a small amount into his mouth before his head began swirling into a haze, and his vision became a blur.

"Whoa, there.." Nam-Il exclaimed, and Chong-Gug felt a hand coming over his own, steadying the glass that was ready to drop from it at any time. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine.." Chong-Gug said, trying to focus his eyesight though what he saw were more like five images of Nam-Il, and none seemed any more real than the others. "Just..kinda tipsy."

"Kinda?" Nam-Il gently pried the glass out of his hand and set it back on the table. "I think that's enough soju for you tonight."

Chong-Gug shook his head, but all it did was make him even dizzier. He couldn't help but wince, and from then on he knew Nam-Il could see very clearly that he was drunk out of his mind. But when he dared to meet his friend's gaze, what he saw there was an amused little smile.

"Hey..what's that smile for?"

Nam-Il chuckled. "Your face..it gets so red when you're drunk."

Chong-Gug frowned. "How nice of you..here I am falling all over myself and all you can do is laugh at my face?"

Nam-Il was stifling laughter even harder than before, and that deepened Chong-Gug's frown.

"Whatever, then." he grumbled. "I'm gonna go and get a glass of water."

He stood up, but as he did the world spun around him, and he lost balance. Nam-Il was quicker to react, though, and Chong-Gug found himself being held around his waist by two strong arms that halted his fall, bringing him back down onto the sofa gently.

"Let's wait until you've recovered a bit.." Nam-Il spoke, and the voice was silky against his left ear. Chong-Gug shuddered, especially after registering the feeling of being pressed up against Nam-Il's warm, broad chest.

"Nam-Il.." he said, and his voice was wispy.

A large hand gently caressed his face, and took hold of his chin. He felt his face being turned around, and was met with Nam-Il's eyes and all-knowing smile.

"You don't handle your liquor well at all, do you?"

Sheepishly, Chong-Gug winced. "I thought it was worth the try.."

The smile widened, but Chong-Gug felt his shoulders being gathered into the other man's embrace, held against his chest. Nam-Il felt like a warm and comforting presence, something more than the big brother he'd been for Chong-Gug all this time, something closer, more..intimate.

That last thought immediately made him uneasy, but Nam-Il showed no sign of it. He brought their faces close together, pressing their foreheads against each other, and Chong-Gug could feel his heart beating rapidly inside his chest as Nam-Il's breath whispered against his lips, moist warmth and scented with liquor.

"Nam-Il.."

"I forgot to mention..you're also rather cute when you're drunk."

A large, calloused palm stroked down his cheek, and Chong-Gug looked up to see those two large eyes, moving closer by the second, and wondered if he was hallucinating. Seconds later, though, he felt a warm pair of lips closing over his own, and realized that he was not.

His body did what naturally came to it as a response to the kiss, melting into the other man's embrace as his arms went around Nam-Il's neck, his eyes closed. It felt good-no, damnit, it felt wonderful. And after so long, to finally feel another person's body against him like this, close and warm and comforting..and so gentle was Nam-Il's treatment of him that he wondered if this was another person other than his wild-eyed, eccentric, happy-go-lucky mischief maker of a friend.

The simple kiss blossomed into a full-blown makeout session, the liquor in their system helping to loosen inhibitions as they kissed passionately, hands roaming up each other's bodies. Nam-Il' fingers were skimming up Chong-Gug's thigh and pulling him along, both of them ending up sprawled on the sofa tangled all over each other, Chong-Gug's hand feeling the flesh of Nam-Il's chest through his shirt.

Only the need for breath made them part in the end, and Chong-Gug's head slumped against Nam-Il's chest in the aftermath, eyes fluttering as he coped with the sensation of suddenly being in someone's arms again, being touched and caressed and kissed..and loved.

"Nam-Il.." he said, urging himself to speak before it was too late. "We can't.."

"We can." Nam-Il said, his voice as cool as ever.

"No..this isn't right." Chong-Gug shook his head. "You..I mean, you're..Uke.."

Nam-Il's finger was placed on his lips, a gesture to silence. Chong-Gug looked up and found those two eyes to be as caring as ever, giving off a gentle light that came down upon him like a shroud.

"Uke wants me to take good care of you, Chong-Gug.." he said.

"But..but, this.."

"Think about it." Nam-Il said calmly. "Uke, as you've experienced yourself, is a very intelligent little guy who sees things in a much different light than most people around him. Don't you think that he's already considered the possibility of this happening?"

Chong-Gug swallowed hard, part of him not believing what he'd just heard. "Does he..does he know you're here?"

"Of course he does. I called him right before I left." Nam-Il said. "And he knows something like this might happen..in fact, he thought something like this *would* happen. And he's right."

"And he's..okay with it?" Chong-Gug asked. "I..I find that rather hard to believe."

"Of course. But there are so many things about Uke that you find hard to believe, but it all falls into place the more you think about it." Nam-Il smiled. "Uke is like that. He's a whole other breed, that's for sure."

Chong-Gug shook his head, his mouth uttering the first words that came to mind. "You are one lucky bastard of a guy.."

"Indeed I am." Nam-Il nodded solemnly. "But what matters most to me right now, Chong-Gug..and to Uke, for that matter..is how we can help you."

"Me?"

Nam-Il drew him back into his embrace, and Chong-Gug couldn't help but give himself in to the warmth that was Nam-Il's body, snuggling deeper into his arms.

"You've been unhappy far, far too long.." the faint whisper said against his ear. "If you'd allow me, I'd like to make you happy..even if only for a night."

"Nam-Il.."

"Always said I'd look after you, didn't I? Once I went to great lengths for you-and Chun-Soo, simply because I cared and I hated seeing either of you hurt. And I will do so again." a hand stroked his hair, long fingers tangling in the strands. "Nothing's changed, Chong-Gug. I'm still here for you.."

Chong-Gug held on just a little tighter, wanting the words to echo inside his head from here onto eternity. Nothing's changed. Nothing. Nam-Il was still his friend, his brother, the one who looked after him when he could do little to look after himself. Who helped him keep his feet on the ground when he was about to fall. Nothing's changed.

"Ask whatever you want of me..and I'll try my best to fulfil it." Nam-Il said.

"If I could have whatever I want.." Chong-Gug began, aware that his voice was faltering. "I'd want you to stay here with me tonight."

"And?"

"And I'd want you to..to make love to me, and then to hold me while I sleep, so that for one night, at least-I can forget about being lonely and remember how good it feels to be with someone."

There. He'd said it. That was his wish, perhaps a wish that had occupied his mind ever since he saw Nam-Il on the training pitch that day, when he ran into his arms and felt the warmth of his embrace, a sense of connection he'd so craved in the miserable days he'd often had, where nothing seemed to go his way, a reminder of how good things could be, how good it could still be.

"I can give you that, Chong-Gug.." Nam-Il said. "I can."

"Really?"

Two fingers held him by his chin and gently nudged his face upwards to meet with Nam-Il's dark eyes, and the lips that were smiling at him, full of assurance.

"It's no more than what I expected."

Chong-Gug returned the smile, some of his senses returning to him. "You expected it, huh? So I guess you came here tonight with the intention of seducing me?"

"What? No..I came here tonight with the intention of having a very good dinner." Nam-Il deadpanned, but then his expression softened. "..and to be with my friend."

He brought Chong-Gug's face close to his own and kissed him again, and this time Chong-Gug could ease himself into it, savoring the taste of Nam-Il's lips as he held on tightly to the other man's body, a slow-burning heat beginning to stir within him.

Nam-Il broke their kiss and stood up, taking Chong-Gug with him, and wordlessly gestured at him to lead the way. Chong-Gug, stil feeling some of the effects of the soju, took a while to get his bearings and figure out which way it was to his bedroom, but he quickly regained his senses and Nam-Il followed behind him, entering the darkened room and closing the door.

Once inside, Chong-Gug was once again pulled into his friend's embrace, kissing slowly as their hands began to undress each other. Chong-Gug was almost sorry to see the clingy blue shirt leaving Nam-Il's body, but he was so sure that Nam-Il would look and feel much better even without it-and he was right. He'd put on a considerable amount of muscle since the last time Chong-Gug had seen him shirtless-no doubt all those hours spent in the gym were beginning to pay off.

Chong-Gug's trembling fingers skimmed across the taut flesh of Nam-Il's chest, stopping at his collarbone where the spiral-shaped pendant hung from his neck, a reminder of the one person Chong-Gug would no doubt be thanking endlessly when all is said and done.

"Uke.." he spoke. "He must trust you a great deal if he allows for this to happen.."

"It's the trust I've lost once already, and never will again." Nam-Il said firmly. "He knows this, too."

Chong-Gug looked up to meet his friend's eyes. "Doesn't he worry at all? Doesn't he fear that your heart will stray?"

A smile broke onto Nam-Il's lips. "My heart's not going anywhere, Chong-Gug. Uke has it in a very safe place..and he's keeping it."

Assured by these words, Chong-Gug allowed Nam-Il's hands to help him out of his sweater, pulling his undershirt along with it. He felt self-conscious and slightly nervous, for whatever reasons, like someone about to experience intimacy for the first time. Well, perhaps it was his first time, in some regards, the first time with Nam-Il and the first time with anyone since Chun-Soo. He didn't even have to ask what sort of role he had to play in Nam-Il's presence-it was clear that Nam-Il wanted to take charge.

The feeling of their naked flesh pressed together in the darkness made Chong-Gug's head swim, but he knew Nam-Il would not let him fall. He felt fingers curling at the back of his neck and drawing him close, a gentle kiss placed on his lips as another set of fingers began working on the clasp of his trousers. The button came loose and soon Nam-Il's hands were working the smooth fabric down his body, gently fondling his backside along the way.

Nam-Il slowly sank to his knees, his fingers tugging Chong-Gug's underpants along as he undressed him, and Chong-Gug felt his heart racing as he realized that he now stood naked in front of his friend, who was still wearing his pants and was kneeling in front of him. His trousers slid past his hips and fell into a fabric puddle at his ankles, and even in the darkness he could see Nam-Il's eyes traveling up and down his body, his eyes burning a hole straight through him.

"You are beautiful.." the deep voice said. "You know that, don't you?"

Did he? Chong-Gug was given no time to contemplate this question, however, because Nam-Il was inching forward slowly, and seconds later he felt the warmth of two lips closing over the flesh of his stomach, moist heat against his lonely skin. Chong-Gug let out an involuntary gasp, his hands trembling at his sides, but Nam-Il reached up and held him by his wrists, calming him down.

Such gentleness, Chong-Gug thought, from a man he once thought was all about doing things straightforward and never caring for pointless romance. Then again, his love for Uke was hardly 'pointless', and it was evident that being in love had changed Nam-Il. Changed him for the better, in Chong-Gug's opinion. Here with him now was a man who knew the value of trust, who knew how to love and be loved, who could act with all the tenderness in the world and not look the slightest bit out of place.

The lips were now at his navel, a warm tongue licking across his puckered flesh and making him shudder, his eyes closed and his face tilted heavenwards, the heat burning within him beating the cold breeze against his naked skin. Nam-Il's mouth made a slick trail down his skin, coming close to where his cock was rapidly hardening, the warm breath beginning to tickle at his pubic hair.

Chong-Gug thought his knees would give up on him when he felt Nam-Il's lips closing over the head of his cock, gently sucking it into his mouth, and a loud whimper escaped him. Nam-Il held his wrists firmly, urging him to stay put, wordlessly promising him the bliss he'd long been without. Chong-Gug's breathing came in short gasps as Nam-Il continued to suck, every minute contact of his mouth with Chong-Gug's sensitive flesh bringing him ever closer to losing himself completely.

Thoughts were swirling madly inside Chong-Gug's head, and the parts of him that still functioned were sternly reminding him not to make any comparisons. That's not what tonight is about. He didn't want even a passing image of Chun-Soo to come to him. This was Nam-Il, his friend and brother, here to give him a night's relief from the loneliness that had so haunted his existence for the past few months, no matter how fleeting, no matter how temporary, and never mind the fact that he belonged to someone else.

Nam-Il's mouth came off his cock with a slick noise, and Chong-Gug shivered as the cool air whispered against his now-moist hardness. Nam-Il stood up, rising to his full height, and Chong-Gug's eyes followed him, waiting for his next move. Without saying a word, Nam-Il placed Chong-Gug's hands on his belt buckle, and Chong-Gug wasted no time undoing it, unfastening the clasp and loosening it, undoing Nam-Il's fly impatiently.

He mimicked what Nam-Il had done to him earlier, going down to his knees as his hands worked the trousers off his friend's body, and when the black fabric was pooled at Nam-Il's feet along with his boxers, Chong-Gug braved himself to look up and see what was waiting for him. Nam-Il's cock was on the large side, larger than his, for sure, and in its semi-hard state it looked all the more enticing, inviting his advances. Chong-Gug felt a hand at the back of his head, gently urging him, and he had no trouble complying.

He opened his mouth and allowed a fair portion of the length to glide into him, knowing that he had to go easy on himself, that he had to regain the feel of things before going any further. He tasted the salty pre-cum on his tongue and took Nam-Il even deeper, testing his own limits, instinct quickly taking over as his long-suppressed desires came forth, and he could feel bit by bit of his old self resurfacing, Chong-Gug the experienced lover as opposed to Chong-Gug the loner.

Nam-Il's fingers were tangled in his thick hair as he bobbed his head along his friend's length, which had grown to full hardness under his attentions. Chong-Gug didn't know that he could gain this much pleasure, this much satisfaction out of pleasuring another, but that was what was happening to him. The feeling of Nam-Il inside his mouth, the hard and throbbing shaft of another man, the intense heat that was the unmistakable presence of another soul close to his own.

"Chong-Gug.." Nam-Il's voice called from up above. "Stop."

He stopped, allowing Nam-Il's cock to slip from his mouth as the taller man reached down to him, hauling him under his arms and back up to his feet, both of them now fully naked and hard, breathing heavily against each other's faces. Nam-Il began backing him towards the bed, stepping out of the messy heap of clothes at their feet. Chong-Gug felt the mattress at the back of his legs and allowed himself to fall back onto it, Nam-Il soon climbing up after him and lying over his body.

In the dim light he could see more clearly the glimmer in his friend's eyes, and the iridescent reflections of the pendant that hung from his neck. Swallowing into his dry throat, Chong-Gug took a deep breath and looked up into Nam-Il's calm expression.

"For the last time, Nam-Il..are you sure Uke would not be tearing us into bits and pieces if he were here?"

"If Uke were here, he'd be standing over the side of the bed, holding a video camera." Nam-Il deadpanned. "Trust me."

Chong-Gug's mind tried to visualize what Nam-Il had just said, baulked at the sheer absurdity of the image, but then Nam-Il's lips were on his, kissing him again, and his mind was no longer required to function.

Give in, he told himself, give in. Go with the flow, don't think it, just feel it. He flung his arms around his friend's neck and brought him deeper into the kiss, trying to burn into the memory the heat of another man's flesh close to his own, just in case it would be yet many more months to come until he finds another that can give him this sort of love and attention. He clung to Nam-Il for his support and strength, knowing that his friend would never abandon him, at least not tonight.

Nam-Il proceeded with a sense of urgency, as if understanding that Chong-Gug needed him now and not later, but he maintained his gentle treatment and never once caused his younger companion any shock or pain. Chong-Gug felt Nam-Il's hand gliding down the side of his torso and down to his hip, before slipping underneath his body to fondle his backside. There was tension inside him, as it had been a long, long time since anyone last did to him what Nam-Il obviously intended to do, but Nam-Il was quick to sense his unease.

He let go of Chong-Gug's swollen lips and gave them a moment to breathe, looking down right into Chong-Gug's eyes.

"When was the last time.." he asked. "..that someone was in you?"

Chong-Gug swallowed hard and struggled to bring out his voice over his laboured breathing. "A long time ago..I think it was my second year at Yonsei or something."

"Not him?" Nam-Il asked, and there was no need to explain whom he'd meant by 'him'.

"No.." Chong-Gug shook his head. "He preferred having it done to him instead of the other way around.."

"You mean, he never.."

"Never." Chong-Gug said. "I was under the impression that he didn't want to.." he then shrugged. "I could've been wrong, though-never bothered to ask him."

Nam-Il smiled to ease his nerves and rested his weight on his elbows, his arms framing Chong-Gug's face. "I need to ask you something.."

"What?"

"Would you..happen to have condoms around here?"

Chong-Gug's eyebrows knitted for a second, but he quickly understood. "Did Uke ask you to use them?"

"He did." Nam-Il said. "Oh, don't be offended..it's not that he thinks you're not clean or anything like that..he just doesn't want me to..you know, release inside anyone else."

"I understand." Chong-Gug said with a smile, then gestured at his bedside table. "Second drawer from the bottom."

Nam-Il leaned over him to get to the drawers, and Chong-Gug knew what he would find there. An unopened box, still pristine, silent testament to his loneliness-physical or otherwise. He didn't know whether Nam-Il thought of this as his fingers tore the plastic wrapping around the box and pried open the carton lid, for his expression was difficult to categorize. He pulled out a small packet with ease and replaced the box on the bedside table, but Chong-Gug's hand was on his wrist before he could open the packet.

"I'll do it for you.." the younger man said, rising to a sitting position as he took the condom from his friend's hand and gently ripped away its wrapping, discarding it over the side of the bed. He took hold of Nam-Il's dripping erection in one hand and gently slid the condom over it, massaging the heated length in the process and causing Nam-Il to throw his head back and bite back a moan. Chong-Gug rolled the condom down over his friend's cock and then began stroking him, taking the hard length between his palms.

"Now..can I ask something of you?" he said.

Nam-Il looked at him and nodded. "Sure.."

"When you feel like you're close, can you just quickly pull out..and let me have it, you know, in my mouth?" he asked, a little reluctantly. "Would that be okay?"

Nam-Il replied with a smile. "That'd be just fine, Chong-Gug.."

"Uke says you can?"

"I can." Nam-Il said, and his smile widened as he seemed to remember something. "I'd tell you a story about a particularly wild night not long ago, but this is not the time."

Chong-Gug was intrigued, but decided not to push the issue. This night was about the two of them, after all, and not anyone else.

Nam-Il gently pushed him back down onto the mattress, and lifted Chong-Gug's legs to hang over the curve of his hips. He then spat several times onto his palm, and not long afterwards Chong-Gug felt moist fingers teasing the rim of his entrance. Nam-Il proceeded slowly, one of his long digits probing inside Chong-Gug with measured patience, his other hand working on the younger man's cock and stroking him.

Chong-Gug bit his lip as Nam-Il's finger went deep, tender but insistent, easily knowing where to find the magical little spot that would bring him into bliss. When he did just that, Chong-Gug threw his head back against the pillow, his mouth open though no sound came out of it-his throat twisted into a heaving knot, waiting for Nam-Il's next move.

Another finger was added, and Chong-Gug resorted to grabbing the sheets on either side of his body and clinging to them, his eyes shut closed as Nam-Il's hands worked magic on his cock and inside his ass, preparing him for what he knew was to come. Relax, he told himself. It's gonna feel good. It's gonna feel so, so good..how could it not, to a body and a soul that had gone unattended for so long?

Then the fingers left him, and they returned upon his chest, ten digits that slinked its way up his torso and then took hold of his face, Nam-Il's body heat traveling upwards as he slowly positioned himself over Chong-Gug, one sinuous movement bringing them in line, the air between them heavy with sex and making Chong-Gug's entire being shudder.

Nam-Il kissed him, his most sensual, rapturous kiss yet, the now-familiar tongue probing deep within Chong-Gug's mouth as he began pushing forward, his hard cock pressing against his younger friend's well-prepared entrance. Chong-Gug braced against the slight pain but fought not to let it win over him, focusing himself on relaxing and not clamping down on the invasion, his lips continuing its dance with Nam-Il's, hands kneading the muscles on his friend's well-toned arms.

"God, you're tight.." Nam-Il whispered hotly in his ear. "So tight.."

When Nam-Il finally had his entire length sheathed within Chong-Gug's ass, the younger man had been reduced to a trembling mass of sweaty flesh and limbs, his voice gone as the sheer heat of intimacy took over his consciousness, reducing everything else into the background. Another person, another hot living body close to him, around him, inside of him. He truly did not comprehend just how much he'd missed it until now. Until he was lying beneath his best friend, being made love to in such a manner that it drove him wild.

-- A man has to take care of his needs, you know. --

And how ironic was it, that it took this for him to finally understand what Chun-Soo had meant by those words. For his own needs were not that much different, as it turned out. Barring the bizarre nature of the relationship, how could he have ever blamed his former lover for seeking out companionship?

Nam-Il rose off his body, pulling Chong-Gug up with him by his arms. In one flowing movement, and without pulling out of him, the older man leaned back and was now sitting on the bed, and Chong-Gug found himself being brought to sit on his friend's lap, impaled on his cock. The movement only drove Nam-Il deeper inside him, if that were possible, and Chong-Gug felt the large, throbbing hardness burning him from the inside out. He gasped, his head falling limp on Nam-Il's shoulder as his arms went around his friend's neck.

Nam-Il was all over him now, and as he bounced Chong-Gug up and down on his cock his mouth was busy exploring his younger friend's chest, teeth raking over Chong-Gug's nipples and causing him to squirm. There was nowhere for him to go, with Nam-Il's arms holding him captive, nor would he want to be anywhere else than here, in the heat of his friend's embrace, being given what he thought he would have to make do without for much, much longer.

Kisses on his neck, lips sucking ravenously at his throat, hands roaming all over him..things he thought he would never experience again. And Nam-Il was such a presence, such a distinguishable feel among all the other thoughts swirling in his head that Chong-Gug's mind was not even given the slightest possible chance to compare him with Chun-Soo, or with anyone, for that matter.

One of Nam-Il's hands was working Chong-Gug's cock, stroking him in rhythm to his thrusts, and Chong-Gug knew that his release was close at hand. He took Nam-Il's face in his hands and turned it up to meet him, kissing him passionately as he ground his body down onto Nam-Il, causing both of them to shudder violently.

"Come for me.." he heard those words whispered in his ears as he rested his head on Nam-Il's sweat-slicked shoulder. "I want to feel you in my hand, Chong-Gug.."

The words were all it took to finally bring him over the edge, a climax so powerful it nearly took his breath right out of him, his own scream drowned out by the blood pounding in his ears, the world around him momentarily swept up into a red, blurry haze that danced in a veil over his eyes. He felt his release coating Nam-Il's hand, the rest of it splattering on their bodies, the slick wet noises coming from below telling him that Nam-Il had not stopped thrusting up into him in the process.

"Chong-Gug.." Nam-Il spoke, his voice hushed. How wonderful it felt to hear his name spoken by another in that manner.

"You close?" Chong-Gug asked in his friend's ear, and there was a rustling of hair against his face as Nam-Il nodded the affirmative.

Chong-Gug fell back onto the mattress, Nam-Il taking hold of his hips and giving him several more hard, plunging thrusts, his face flushed and dripping sweat, until he finally pulled out, Chong-Gug moaning at the loss but knowing that he was in for a real treat.

Nam-Il's hand tore the condom off his swollen cock and threw it aside, and as he crawled up Chong-Gug's body the younger man could wait no longer and slithered down on the mattress, until his face lay just under Nam-Il's groin. He wasted no time, taking the impressive length into his mouth and sucking it hard and deep. He was good at this, and he knew it. Nam-Il knew it as well, judging by the loud moan he gave and how his hands were braced against the mattress for support.

"Chong-Gug.." he whimpered. "Chong-Gug.."

It didn't take long for Nam-Il's climax to come, and Chong-Gug welcomed it with great hunger, swallowing everything that his friend released into him, his tongue working diligently to ensure that not a single drop escaped his lips. It was a gift, a very rare gift, and he wanted to savor it for all it was worth. When he was sure that he had gotten it all, Chong-Gug allowed Nam-Il to slip out of his mouth and looked up at his friend's flushed face with a smile.

Nam-Il smiled back, and lowered himself back down onto Chong-Gug's body, kissing him and sharing his own taste, wordlessly conveying their mutual gratitude. Then the gentle arms returned, gathering his spent body into a waiting embrace and a warm, broad chest he could rest his head upon, still heaving with rapid breath and pounding strongly from within in aftermath of their coupling.

Chong-Gug lost himself in the post-coital bliss, feeling sore and a little vulnerable, his senses returning to him one at a time. Nam-Il was stroking his hair and kissing his forehead, even drawing the covers back on the bed to allow both of them to slip inside. Once covered in the warmth of the blankets Chong-Gug once again sought out his friend's body and found it waiting for him, arms that held him tight and assured him that he had not been dreaming, that it was all real.

"Nam-Il.." he whispered, his voice croaking. "Thank you.."

"No need to thank me." his friend replied. "No need at all."

Chong-Gug reached up with one trembling hand and passed his fingers over the fine surface of the pendant Nam-Il wore around his neck, gliding his digits on its smooth texture.

"Next time you call Uke..tell him I owe him one."

"Uke would tell you that you owe him nothing." Nam-Il said.

"Tell him this, then.." Chong-Gug looked up to gaze at his friend in his eyes. "Tell him I understand now. Not all of it, not yet..but I'm beginning to understand."

Nam-Il's eyebrows furrowed slightly. "About Chun-Soo?"

Chong-Gug nodded. "I can at least see where he was coming from, what his reasons were..not saying that it makes sense, but it's a lot easier to comprehend now.."

Nam-Il gave a low chuckle. "Nothing Chun-Soo does can ever make any sense to me."

Snuggling deeper into his friend's embrace, Chong-Gug nodded. "That's just him. And how foolish I was to think that I could change him, that I *should* change him.."

"Ssshh.." Nam-Il placed a finger on Chong-Gug's lips, silencing him. "Not now. Not tonight."

"Sorry."

"Don't be sorry." Nam-Il said. "Anytime you want to talk about him, or anything.. I'm gonna be here for you. But tonight, I just want to make you feel good."

"You've already done that.." Chong-Gug said. "You have."

Nam-Il smiled and gently kissed his forehead. "Now you remember this..from now on, don't hesitate to call me anytime you need someone to talk to. I'll be right across the road."

Chong-Gug nodded, then gave a deep sigh. "I've decided something, Nam-Il.."

"What is it?"

"When my brother comes back..I'm going to tell him everything." Chong-Gug said. "Everything."

He felt Nam-Il's body going tense at his words, and those eyes were searching through him to see if he was serious. He was.

"Chong-Gug.."

"I can't bear the thought of the person who's cared for me all this time, who's given me so much at his own expense, being shut out of the part of my life that he knows is causing me grief." Chong-Gug said. "I have to tell him. I want to tell him. I want him to know."

"Are you sure about this?" Nam-Il asked. "Will he..understand?"

Chong-Gug gave a slow nod. "Chong-Hwan loves me. He told me that there's nothing I can tell him that will ever change that. Nothing."

Nam-Il's expression slowly softened, and Chong-Gug felt a warm hand stroking down his face.

"If he loves you the way a brother should, then he loves you enough to understand."

Chong-Gug smiled and rested his head against the crook of his friend's shoulder, his heart for once at peace and his mind at calm.

"Sleep.." he heard that deep, lulling voice say. "I will stay here and hold you until morning."

Assured by those words, knowing that for once all is well within his life, Chong-Gug gave himself to the exhaustion that was coming over him and closed his eyes, knowing that when he opened them, Nam-Il would still be there.


"So.."

"So..what?"

"Was he good?"

Pause. "Are you seriously asking me this?"

"Yeah, I want to know. Was he good?"

"He's..different, that's for sure."

"Different, huh? So I guess my prediction did come true, after all."

"He said he owed you one."

"He owes me nothing."

"I told him you'd say that." Pause. "He also wants me to tell you this.."

"What?"

"He says..he's beginning to understand now. That it's easier for him to come to grips to."

Pause. "I'm glad to hear that."

"I think he's ready to move on now, Uke..I really do."

"It's about time. I wish he didn't have to go through so much pain to get to this point."

"I'm sure he thinks the same." Pause. "Chun-Soo would be happy, too."

"I hope so, Uke.." Pause. "I really, really hope so."


When Song Chong-Hwan and his wife Koh Ji-Yeon returned from their week-long travels over the Netherlands, they found Chong-Gug waiting for them with a smile on his face, welcoming them with a deep bow to respect his brother and sister-in-law and saying that he hoped they had a good time.

Chong-Hwan found his brother to be more cheerful and generally happier, and he was glad for the change. Over dinner together that night they shared stories about the things they saw and did on their little vacation, and Chong-Gug listened with great delight about the splendors of the country he had yet to have a chance to explore properly, Chong-Hwan promising to himself that one day he would take his little brother out and show him the sights himself.

As Ji-Yeon excused herself to clear away the dishes, Chong-Gug turned to him and said that he wanted to talk. Asked what about, his little brother shrugged and told him, his voice lowered to a bare whisper, that he wanted to tell him what had been bothering his mind for so long, what Chong-Hwan had always wanted to know but Chong-Gug never had the courage to tell him.

He was ready now. He was going to tell him. And Chong-Hwan could see that it would be a long conversation, one in which he should be prepared to hear things that might shock him, things he never imagined he would hear from his beloved brother.

The two brothers made their way to Chong-Gug's apartment after bidding good night to Chong-Hwan's wife, and as they entered the slightly smaller dwelling Chong-Hwan could sense that some of his brother's reluctance was returning, that he wasn't sure if he could really do this. That could only mean that what he was about to say was something he found difficult to tell his own brother, let alone anyone else.

Knowing that he had to be strong for Chong-Gug, knowing that he had to do what a good, loving big brother should, Chong-Hwan realized that it was up to him to make Chong-Gug believe that anything he said would not change how Chong-Hwan felt about him, that he would still love him. Chong-Gug needed to know that, he needed to feel that.

As his brother returned from the kitchen with two cups of tea that Chong-Hwan suspected would end up sitting cold on the table, his expression was serious and a little nervous. Chong-Hwan sat at one end of the sofa in Chong-Gug's living room and extended his hand towards his brother, a gesture he knew Chong-Gug would understand, a form of silent communication they had developed over the years.

Chong-Gug took his hand, laid his body slowly down on the sofa, rested his head in the warmth of his older brother's lap, took a deep breath, and began telling his story.

~FIN~

 

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