I will do without the spaces in between
If you could tell me now, what it means to be
You have been found out
I have been deceived by the one that I need

You will go without the better part of me
And there will be no doubt, of what this all could mean
You will be found out
I cannot believe in the one that I need

Tell me why you gotta be so cold
How'd you get so high, why you're keeping me low
You don't know, you don't know

Tell me how we're gonna make this last
You're ready to fly, I'm ready to crash
Don't go, don't go

"Cold" - Matchbox 20

November 20th 2002
Seoul Sangam World Cup Stadium
21.15

Lee Chun-Soo turned on the sink in the bathroom and dunked his head in, rolling up the sleeves of his coat to splash water across his face, clothes and all. The water began to trickle past his soaked hair and down his neck, seeping within the fabric of his sweater, but he didn't care.

Fuck Brazil. Fuck Ronaldo, fuck Ronaldinho, fuck that damn Chinese referee whatever his name was. Why couldn't they get a better referee for this match, huh? One from Europe, for instance? That would be neutral, wouldn't it? Why couldn't they get that scary-looking bald guy from all the Adidas commercials, for instance?

There was something about last-minute penalties that seemed out of sync with the laws of the universe. All that while they were on a 2-2 draw, well on their way towards a respectable draw with the World Champions. Somebody needed to grab that ref by his neck, take his whistle, shove it down his throat, let the bastard choke on it and die. Barring the gross disciplinary consequences and the threat of jail, Chun-Soo would've loved to do it.

Results aside, he had a good match. No, scratch that, he had a terrific match. He did what he set out to do-he stole the ball from Roberto Carlos. Not once, not twice, but three times. Three. Right under that man's nose, get it..no hiding the shocked look he had on his face when it happened.

As a whole, the match was good. They gave one hell of a fight, a hundred times better than what Brazil got from Germany at the World Cup finals. Heck, they even took the lead twice. First Seol, and then Ahn. Too bad that scary-toothed bastard had to ruin it both times. And at that very last minute, a penalty. Where's the fairness in that?

Chun-Soo turned off the tap and shook his head rapidly, sending water droplets spraying in all directions. He used his hands to slick his hair back and straightened up, glancing at his own face in the mirror..

..and at the face of the man standing behind him.

The surprise lasted only for a brief fraction of a second, but Chun-Soo hid it well with a lopsided smirk.

"Didn't hear you come in.."

Sang-Chul leaned back against the wall partition between two stalls and shrugged. "You were a little lost in your own thoughts.."

"Well, don't bother telling me anything I haven't heard.." Chun-Soo said as he rubbed his face. "I don't think it's going to help."

"I didn't come in here to tell you that.." Sang-Chul said. "I just want to give you..this little present."

Sang-Chul produced something he'd been holding behind his back, and Chun-Soo saw him unfurl what turned out to be not quite so 'little' a present. It was a beautiful long overcoat, light grey in colour and trimmed with faux white fur on the collar and cuffs, double-breasted and finely-tailored. His smile widened considerably.

"Thought you'd need an extra coat." Sang-Chul said casually. "It's snowing outside."

"Again?" Chun-Soo said. "Thank God it waited until after the match was over."

"Well, it was freezing nonetheless. Now come on, let's see you put this on.."

Chun-Soo let the older man put the coat on him, over the short jacket he already wore. He had to admit it fit him beautifully, warm enough to stave off the cruelest winter chill yet without making him look too bulky, and it was very well-made and undoubtedly very expensive. Sang-Chul helped him button it up, then held him across his waist and pulled him back against the older man's chest.

"There.." he rested his chin on Chun-Soo's left shoulder. "..don't you look pretty?"

Oh yes, he did. Chun-Soo would be the first to admit that. "What's the occasion?"

"Occasion?" Sang-Chul's face held a look of bewilderment. "Tonight, of course."

"Tonight?"

"The match. You played brilliantly. You showed them what we're made of. I'm really proud of you."

Chun-Soo sighed deeply. "It wasn't good enough..we didn't win."

"Doesn't matter." Sang-Chul shook his head. "They know we're for real now. The world knows. They saw Ahn score, they saw you taking the ball from Carlos, they saw Young-Pyo teaching them a thing or two about dribbling..we did it, Chun-Soo."

"Did we?" Chun-Soo asked forlornly. "I wish I could think of it like that."

"That penalty is going to bother us for the next few weeks, sure..but that doesn't mean there's less reason for us to celebrate." Sang-Chul said.

"Celebrate, huh?" Chun-Soo smiled mischievously. "Well, that does sound good.."

Sang-Chul tightened his grip around Chun-Soo's waist and began kissing his neck. "You know, I've missed you these past few days.."

Chun-Soo smiled. After the night they had viewing those videotapes, which was a wild one to say the least, Sang-Chul had stayed completely off him, barely even touching him. They both knew the importance off having full focus before facing opponents the class of Brazil-not to mention that their encounters always left Chun-Soo rather spent and exhausted. Chun-Soo had missed the intimacy, sure, but he was willing to sacrifice it for the sake of this match.

"Was it worth it?" he asked. "Our short break and all?"

"Oh, definitely." Sang-Chul nodded. "We both played good, we accomplished our goals, and.."

"And?"

"And the wait will make tonight even better."

Chun-Soo chuckled lightly. "Yeah, that's what I thought, too. Haven't been using my hands, even."

"Really?" Sang-Chul said in amazement. "Now that's self-control.."

"Oh, shut it." Chun-Soo chided him playfully. "So..you wanna wait until we're back in the hotel, or should I just bend over right now?"

Sang-Chul laughed deep in his chest, the vibrations of which Chun-Soo felt against his back. "Rather impatient, are you?"

"What about you?"

Sang-Chul pondered this, his jaw flexing a little. "I can wait..but seeing as you're up for it, why don't I do a little something, for a change?"

"Like what?"

"First, let's take this off..wouldn't want to ruin it, would you?"

Chun-Soo was almost sorry to take his new coat off, but he was more intrigued by what Sang-Chul had in store for him. As soon as Sang-Chul had taken it off him and slung it over one of the stall doors, he turned to face Chun-Soo again with a smirk on his face.

Suddenly, he grabbed Chun-Soo by his waist and hoisted him up, seating on the sink counter with his back pressed against the mirror. Chun-Soo gave a surprised yelp, but Sang-Chul quickly spread his legs wide and began undoing the fly of his pants. At this point Chun-Soo could guess what the older man was up to, but he almost couldn't believe it himself.

Then, Sang-Chul's fingers expertly caressed tugged down his underwear and teased out his cock, stroking it into hardness.

"Sang-Chul.."

Without acknowledging him, Sang-Chul bent his head and suddenly had Chun-Soo's length inside his mouth, and the moist heat around his cock made Chun-Soo throw his head back against the glass, gasping for air. Sang-Chul continued to suck him, his strong arms holding Chun-Soo by his thighs. Tangling his fingers in the silky auburn mass of the older man's hair, Chun-Soo closed his eyes and smiled.

Sang-Chul had never done this to him before-giving him pleasure without asking something of him first. This was different. This meant something. This meant he was going to have fun for the rest of the night, oh yes.

Sangam was a large facility, a labyrinth of similar-looking corridors that was a sheer invitation to get lost in. Were it not for the ever-helpful markers and directional arrows, Chong-Gug figured it'd take him days just to get out of here. Well, okay, that was a bit over the top, but in his current state of mind he really didn't care.

He shouldn't have come here.

Now not only does he have to take care of a tender groin muscle, his ankle was starting to bother him as well. Coach Van Marwijk had been right-so was everybody back in Rotterdam. It wasn't good for him, in the condition that he was in. He shouldn't have come here, even if it meant passing up the chance to take on Brazil.

Chong-Gug had been prepared to sit this one out. He'd talked to his brother, his agent, his coach, his interpreter, and they all agreed that it was probably not such a good idea. Feyenoord was plagued with injuries-Pierre was still out, Van Haaren too, and their defense had gaps in it he was expected to fill. The way he was feeling now, he wasn't sure he could do them much good upon his return.

He didn't do much good here, either.

They didn't want him here because of his skills-they wanted his celebrity. To boost ticket sales, make TV specials, do segments of him returning home at the airport, tell stories about his experiences in Rotterdam, sign more autographs, pose for more pictures. As much as he loved his homeland and cherished the opportunity to be with his friends again, he had to admit that the peace he got in Rotterdam, his relative anonimity, was a welcome change.

He wouldn't even be here if KFA hadn't decided to use their right to claim him, after Feyenoord decided not to let him go. All the efforts of trying to explain their current crisis, as well as his own injury condition, went unheeded. So here he was, injured and tired, trying to keep up with the world's absolute best on a freezing night. Now, how can anyone blame him if he made a slip-up or two?

They said he didn't want to play for his country anymore. They said he was getting too comfortable in Rotterdam, that he didn't care about playing for South Korea anymore. Bullshit. They can all go to Hell.

He would've stomped his feet angrily on the tile floors he was walking, if he weren't minding his sore ankle. Months he toiled in a foreign land, and it was no picnic, as easy as it seemed for everyone back here. Yeah, he made the first team and was never taken out of the starting lineup. Yes, he made two assists on his debut. Yes, he scored a goal that was run over and over again on Korean television. They made it look like he had it easy there. That's not true.

He'd worked hard knowing his country's honor was at stake, that he had to prove to Europe that Korean players are as good as anyone, that what they achieved at the World Cup was no fluke. The whole of Netherlands knows his name now, knows where he came from. And this is what he had to come home to?

Chong-Gug sighed deeply. They'd never understand. That just wasn't part of the way people are over here. They were enthusiastic but alarmingly fickle, quick to turn away when their idols start to fade, never there to support them through thick or thin. Well, fine. Not like he needed them. Not like he wanted them. He was a footballer first, a public figure second. No, he was a person first, a footballer second. He had feelings, too. But what do they care?

His feet brought him to a turn in the corridor that showed him the exit far ahead. Out towards the freezing cold and the falling snow. The bus would be waiting out there, with his friends in it.

His friends. The only people who made this trip worthwhile. Seeing them and being with them, surrounded by familiar faces speaking familiar words, each day reliving memories of months not so long past but seemingly so distant now, still asking every now and then, did it really happen and are we really here.

He didn't know which shocked him the most-finding out that Nam-Il was now with Uke, or that Young-Pyo was now with Tae-Young. Both Nam-Il and Young-Pyo were very close to him, and he knew of the friendship that had developed between Young-Pyo and little Uke from their time together at Anyang Cheetahs, but he didn't know how Nam-Il came into the picture. When asked, his friend would only give him a smile and a softly whispered: "It's a long story.."

As if there were any story in their intertwined lives that wasn't.

Chong-Gug had not asked about how things turned out with Ji-Sung, and somehow Ji-Sung's absence here made it seem like a subject that should not be brought up. It was obvious to him, though, that Nam-Il had fallen completely for Uke, as best as they tried to hide it while they were in public. The way they looked at each other, the playful way Nam-Il would chide Uke if he missed a goal opportunity during training, or the slight pout Uke would give him if Nam-Il's through ball failed to reach him.

As for Young-Pyo and Tae-Young..he didn't know how that one came to be, either. He knew of Kim Tae-Young as fierce and spirited on the pitch, calm and slightly ignorant outside of it, not particularly close to any of the younger players save maybe Nam-Il, who was his teammate at Chunnam Dragons. But the way they were practically inseparable outside the pitch told the entire story, and Chong-Gug wasn't about to ask questions.

Seeing them gave him an odd mixture of joy and sadness. Of course he was glad to see his two close friends so happy, so obviously in love. Especially Nam-Il, who had seemed at one point so out of touch with the realm of relationships, and had to be witness on the night where Chong-Gug nearly fell apart out of his own blindness.

As for the sadness..maybe it wasn't really sadness. Maybe it was envy. Yes, envy. As if asking the question: Well, what about me, then?

He knew seeing Chun-Soo again would be difficult. He'd been prepared for that. What he didn't expect was to have Chun-Soo so determined to keep his distance, barely even speaking a word outside of formalities, expertly avoiding his gaze even when it seemed inevitable. It hurt him more than any loss, any injury.

Well, Chong-Gug..maybe he's doing it to stop you from falling all over yourself again. What do you expect, anyway? For him to come running into your arms? Snap out of it. It's not going to happen. He's made his decision, and you know it was the right one. He did what you could not-he actually did something about it instead of crying over it like you've been doing. Give him credit. He's doing you a favour.

The decision. The decision to let go and move on. Let go. Move on. Words he still could not put upon himself, even after all this time. He felt foolish and weak, and suddenly Chun-Soo seemed so strong before his eyes, growing in confidence and strength, steely-eyed and iron-willed. He saw it in his attitude, he saw it in his game. Chun-Soo was in his game. He grew ever stronger, and ever more distant.

Let go, move on. Let go, move on. Let..go..but was he supposed to do that, when the last words he said before their parting was 'I love you'?

Of course he loved you. And he may love you still. Love was never the problem. It was something else entirely. And thank God he saw it when you could not, else you would've fallen to that same trap again, and what happened that night in August will all be for naught. Ahn's words, Nam-Il's words, even Hong's words..would have been for nothing, if you had fallen again.

His thoughts were interrupted as he realized that the echoing of his footsteps were not the only sounds in the corridor. Frowning, he stopped and listened in closer. There were voices coming out from one of the doors to his left. Chong-Gug looked up to see the marker over the door. Bathroom. Now, what on earth could be going on in there? The voices were definitely human, but he couldn't make out any words. Curious, he inched closer to the wall for a better listen.

"Sang-Chul.."

The soft noise of appreciaton coming from above only spurred Sang-Chul on, drawing Chun-Soo's length inside his mouth and sucking on it greedily, his hands roaming the little striker's thighs through the thick fabric of his trousers. He felt the fingers tangling in his hair, the arch of the boy's torso as his tongue began to tease him, licking along the underside of his cock and up onto the head.

"Sang-Chul.."

"I like it when you say my name like that.." he said, before playing his tongue right along the tiny slit, lapping up pre-cum and getting his reward in a louder, more urgent moan. Sang-Chul took Chun-Soo inside his mouth once again, inching down on it until he had the full length encased, his nose nuzzling the soft dark hairs at the base.

It was only now that he could fully assess just how much they'd missed each other. Granted, it all started as Chun-Soo's way of fulfilling his 'need', as he put it, but Sang-Chul had to admit that over the weeks he'd grown intoxicated with the boy as well. The sheer freedom he was allowed gave him an endless array of possibilities to explore, and they'd barely scratched the surface. He doubted he would ever grow tired of Chun-Soo, or that the boy would ever grow tired of him.

He picked up the pace and sucked the boy's cock even harder, drawing out one moan after another in succession, his hands holding Chun-Soo's dangling legs firmly to stop them from flailing about, the fingers in his hair urging him to go faster and deeper. He complied, eager to give Chun-Soo his well-earned reward.

It was a reward for him as well, to have this proud, defiant creature willingly surrender to him, saying his name as if it was a prayer. He breathed the allure of Chun-Soo's scent, the heat he held between his lips and his moist tongue, the whimpers becoming more and more insistent.

"Sang-Chul..Sang-Chul.."

Feeling the cock inside his mouth starting to throb in the first throes of orgasm, Sang-Chul pulled back until only the head was still within his mouth, chancing an upwards glance and seeing that Chun-Soo had his head thrown back against the mirror, his eyes shut tight and his lips hanging open, beads of sweat forming on his face on an otherwise cold winter night.

The first spurt hit his tongue and he swallowed it greedily, followed by another, Chun-Soo screaming his name out loud as he sought of every precious drop. He continued until the boy was all but spent, the fingers in his hair gone limp and the body slack against his own. His breath heaving in his chest, Sang-Chul carefully let the boy's length slip out of his mouth, licking it several more times to get rid of any excess, before tucking it back inside his underwear and zipping up his trousers.

When all this was done he looked up at Chun-Soo and found the boy looking straight back at him, his face flushed and his lips smiling. Sang-Chul straightened himself up and lifted Chun-Soo off the sink counter, setting him back on the floor on two wobbly legs, holding onto the other man for support.

"Damn, you're good.." Chun-Soo said to him breathlessly.

"Told you." Sang-Chul said, then leaned down to kiss his lips briefly. "Now come on, we better get back to the bus before they send a search party after us."

Laughing, Chun-Soo backed away from him and Sang-Chul retrieved the new coat from the stall door, putting it on the boy once again. He'd bought it sometime ago, immediately knowing that Chun-Soo would look beautiful in it, and he'd been right. He would've given it to Chun-Soo regardless of the match or how he played in it, but this made it a very special gift indeed.

"Look at you.." Sang-Chul said as the buttons were done up. "So pretty.."

"Only because you make me." Chun-Soo said, looking at the mirror to see himself in his new attire. "I love it. Thank you."

Sang-Chul smiled. It was him who ought to be thankful, thankful that Chun-Soo had practically landed on his lap, the greatest gift of all that had made his life so interesting where all that was left to him, it seemed, was to play out the rest of his career as it drew to a close. This was one turn of fate he knew he would never regret.

Sang-Chul took both his bag and Chun-Soo's over his shoulder and motioned the younger man towards the door in a gentleman's flourish. Chun-Soo was still laughing and smiling at him as they walked out the door, his hands reaching up to feel the luxurious fur trimming at the collar, the coat twirling about his frame as he spun on his heels, looking around the corridor..

..and suddenly, all cheer and colour drained from his face.

Sang-Chul, only halfway out of the door, was instantly alarmed. He stepped towards Chun-Soo, glanced at the direction he was looking to see just what it was that the boy had seen that had so shocked him.

Chong-Gug.

The auburn-haired midfielder was standing there looking at them, his bag at his feet as if he'd dropped it suddenly, his eyes wide and his lips muttering silent words. The shock on his face was apparent, as was his disbelief, and Sang-Chul felt his stomach churning as Chong-Gug's gaze switched over from Chun-Soo to him.

It was not fury that greeted him when those eyes fell upon him, it was more like surprise and even a hint of fear. Sang-Chul held his gaze firmly, telling himself that he would not let this boy win over him, even though he was just as shocked to see him there. Chong-Gug looked like he was about to fall over himself, the way his entire body trembled, and Sang-Chul almost felt sorry for him. Almost.

He was more concerned about Chun-Soo. He and Chong-Gug were looking at each other with expressions that were more or less similar, and he could see guilt starting to creep into Chun-Soo's eyes. Guilt. Guilt towards Chong-Gug. For what..for being seen with him? For being seen with Sang-Chul?

No. He was not about to let Chong-Gug see that. He stepped towards Chun-Soo and took his arm firmly, demanding his attention. The boy looked up at him, as if asking for assistance, and Sang-Chul allowed himself only one interpretation: Please get me out of here.

Sang-Chul threw an arm around his shoulder and gently turned him away from Chong-Gug, towards the exit at the end of the corridor. Chun-Soo kept looking back at Chong-Gug over his shoulder, but Sang-Chul quickly tugged him along as he walked, not allowing the boy to stop and linger. He felt possessive somewhat, which was probably not what he was supposed to feel given the status of their relationship, but he couldn't quite help it.

"Don't look.." he whispered lowly. "Don't look.."

As if coming back to a sense of time and place, Chun-Soo complied. His head turned towards the door, never looking back again. Sang-Chul muscled the handle open and they were out in the freezing cold of the late November night, snowflakes drifting down onto the asphalt of the parking lot. Quietly, he pulled Chun-Soo along as they walked towards the bus that was waiting for them underneath the lights, ready to take them back to the hotel.

"You look sick." Uke said.

"I feel like crap." Nam-Il said hoarsely, before breaking into a fit of coughs for the umpteenth time, halting their progress yet again as they walked towards the exit from the stadium.

Uke, deeply concerned, was at his side, massaging the back of his neck if only to give him a comforting touch. "You spent too long out there tonight. They should've pulled you in sooner."

"Yeah.." Nam-Il said. "Much as I hate to admit it, I don't think I was cut out to play ninety minutes in freezing temperatures."

"You weren't fully fit when we started training, that's why." Uke said. "Otherwise you would've been fine."

"Damn weather.." Nam-Il cursed. "Now my nose is getting runny as well."

"Headache? Nausea?"

"No." Nam-Il shook his head. "Not yet, at least."

"Come on, let's hurry up. Maybe you'll feel better after we get some food in you at the hotel."

"I hope so.." Nam-Il said.

They made a left turn towards a corridor with an exit arrow hanging over it-any exit would do. Uke hoped they were bundled up thick enough, the walk towards the bus maybe short but the weather was very unfriendly and last he saw, it was snowing again. He'd heard in the dressing room that Hong and Hwang had both decided to stay behind, to linger at the stadium and of course he understood their desire for a bit of nostalgia, but God..in this weather?

"Wait, wait, stop." Nam-Il held him back. "Who's that?"

"Who's what?"

"That.."

Uke looked towards the direction Nam-Il pointed and saw a person, a man, sitting down not too far away from them, his back against the wall. He had his hands on his knees and his face buried between them, so Uke couldn't see his face, but he was definitely familiar. As they got closer the auburn highlights on his dark hair became visible, and Nam-Il let out a gasp.

"Chong-Gug?"

The face lifted ever so slowly and Uke saw that it was indeed Chong-Gug, and he looked like a mess. His eyes were red and there were trails of tears running down his face, and he looked at them with a woeful expression, his lips quivering.

"Chong-Gug!" Nam-Il made a dash towards his friend, his own illness momentarily forgotten, and in a flash they were both at his side. "What happened?"

"Nam-Il.." Chong-Gug said, his voice listless. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Nam-Il's eyes widened. "Tell you what?"

"Chong-Gug, what happened?" Uke asked, his guts giving him an uneasy tinge. "Why are you like this?"

Chong-Gug looked from one of them to the other, his swollen eyes unblinking. "You didn't know?"

"Know what? Please tell us, you're starting to scare me.." Nam-Il pleaded.

"Why him? Why?"

"Chong-Gug!" Nam-Il's voice grew edgy, his concern apparent.

"Nam-Il, I think we should get him to the bus, and ask questions later.." Uke said. "He's in no condition to speak."

"Yeah, but I want to know what happened to him!"

"Not here." Uke shook his head and stood up. "Not here. Now come on, let's help him up.."

They managed to haul Chong-Gug up and he was able to stand, and when his bag was handed to him he slung it over his shoulder and started to walk with them, but his eyes remained vacant and Uke grew ever more worried that something was terribly wrong. The door was only a short distance away when Nam-Il was overcome with another coughing fit, nearly bent over with it.

Chong-Gug seemed to stir a little and looked at his friend. "You're sick.."

"He's been like that since the match ended." Uke said.

"I'm okay.." Nam-Il assured them both, though his pallid complexion betrayed his true condition. "It's you I'm worried about."

"Me?" Chong-Gug asked, then he looked around. His eyes dilated slightly and he rocked back on his heels, and Uke was worried that he was about to pass out. But Chong-Gug shook his head rapidly several times, blinking his eyes and reaching up to wipe the tears from his face. "I..I'm fine, I guess."

"Glad you're back among the living." Uke blew a sigh of relief. "What the hell happened?"

"I..I.." Chong-Gug swallowed hard and looked over at Uke, and what he saw in those eyes made his insides churn. "I don't want to talk about it now."

"Okay." Uke nodded. "Okay. Fine. We'll talk about it later. Now let's just get the hell out of here and get on that damn bus."

"Yeah.." Chong-Gug agreed. "I don't want to stay a minute longer in this fucking place."

Uke was almost certain he meant Sangam, but could he have meant Korea, perhaps? Now that's an unsettling thought. What could've happened back there Uke didn't know, and he wasn't about to play guessing games until they were back at the hotel. Taking Nam-Il's hand and placing an arm around Chong-Gug's shoulder, all three of them stepped out of the door and into the frigid night.

Seoul Renaissance Hotel
22.05 p.m.

The dining hall had been rented out by the KFA for all the players and officials to have dinner in, and there was not a single photographer or journalist in sight, save maybe the official archivists and the like. They were all starving, having just played a grueling match in the freezing cold, and dinner was served in very generous portions, as the hotel already knew how to cater to athletes.

They sat five or six to table, and Sang-Chul and Chun-Soo found themselves in one table with KimTae-Young, Lee Young-Pyo, and goalkeeper Lee Woon-Jae. Woon-Jae still looked gloomy over not saving that Ronaldinho penalty, but Lord knows they were not going to blame that loss on him. Nor were they going to berate Jin-Cheul for making the tackle that led to the penalty. He was only doing his job, and the same could be said for the rest of them. They lost, but they knew they did good.

Tae-Young and Young-Pyo, he'd observed, had been inseparable these past few days. Sang-Chul didn't know what the story was between them, nor did he need to-to a pair of eyes used to picking up those sorts of signals, it was very clear. He doubted the others picked up on it, since nothing seemed out of the ordinary if one didn't look close. He'd also been observing Nam-Il and Uke occasionally, and Ji-Sung was indeed right about them being together.

Choi Sung-Yong came over to their table and gestured at the empty seat. Woon-Jae welcomed his Suwon clubmate with a smile and allowed him to sit. Sung-Yong set his plate, which was as full as it could be, in front of him and started eating.

"Talked to the officials.." he said. "Hong and Hwang haven't come back yet."

Tae-Young rolled his eyes. "They're still at the stadium?"

"I think so, yes.."

"They're crazy." Young-Pyo commented. "In this weather?"

"Well, the snow stopped falling about five minutes ago." Sung-Yong said. "I'm thinking of maybe going out after this myself, anybody wanna join me?"

"Not me.." Young-Pyo said.

"Me neither." Woon-Jae shook his head. "You should ask Dae-Ui or somebody. He likes to go out."

"What about you, Chun-Soo?" Sung-Yong turned to the little striker.

Chun-Soo, who'd been contemplating his plate, looked up at him. "Huh? Oh, no..I think I'll stay behind."

"Usually you're the first one out the door when you had the chance." Woon-Jae said.

Chun-Soo smiled weakly. "Not this time. I'm tired."

Sung-Yong and Woon-Jae resumed their talk as they ate, but Sang-Chul was no longer listening. His attention was now on Chun-Soo, who had his head bowed slightly again. He still ate a lot, as usual, but without the same enjoyment or appetite Sang-Chul had seen in him before.

Occasionally, Chun-Soo's gaze would wander towards the group that was sitting three or four tables away from them. There was Chong-Gug, wedged between Nam-Il and Uke, his face bland and emotionless, while Cha Doo-Ri and Seol Ki-Hyeon talked as they ate.

One look. That was all Chong-Gug needed. One look, and Chun-Soo was suddenly looking like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. Sang-Chul hated seeing him like this. Of course, he couldn't really blame Chong-Gug. The boy must've accidentally heard them, and there was no hiding his shock at seeing them together. Well, they're not 'together' in that sense of the word, of course..Chun-Soo had made it very clear right from the start. But would Chong-Gug know?

Doubtless the boy would be making all sorts of assumptions now, most of which are probably well off the mark, but what were they supposed to do? Come up to him and explain it? Sang-Chul scoffed at the thought. He didn't need to explain himself to Chong-Gug. He didn't need his permission, or to make any excuses. If Chong-Gug decided to go all sulky and childish because of it, well, that wasn't his problem.

"What's the matter? You look sick.."

Young-Pyo's voice shook him from his thoughts, but then he realized Young-Pyo wasn't talking to him, he was talking to Tae-Young. The senior defender did look slightly pale, and he was twirling his chopsticks about his plate listlessly, obviously having lost his appetite.

"I feel funny up here.." Tae-Young pointed at his head. "It's been spinning somewhat everytime I stand up or look at bright lights.."

"Maybe you're coming down with a flu," Woon-Jae said. "It was very cold out there tonight.."

"Maybe.." Tae-Young nodded, massaging the bridge of his nose, his forehead creased. Young-Pyo was rubbing up and down his back, concern on his face.

"We should get you up and into bed.." he said.

"You're not finished eating yet.."

"I can have some later." Young-Pyo insisted. "Come on, before it gets any worse.."

"You should listen to him." Sang-Chul said. "Go up and get some rest, you need it."

After Sung-Yong and Woon-Jae had voiced their own encouragement, Tae-Young finally agreed. He excused himself from the table, helped by Young-Pyo, and they both made their way to the exits.

"I hope that's nothing serious.." Chun-Soo said quietly.

"I don't know, with this weather a lot of us are going to fall sick..especially with the FA Cup coming up." Sung-Yong said.

"I'm glad they're changing the system." Woon-Jae said. "Starting next season, the FA Cup is played along with the league games, like in Europe."

"And hopefully not confined to the South regions..God knows we hardly ever get any spectators there." Sang-Chul added.

The rest of dinner passed by quietly, and soon the players began filtering out, some to their rooms to get a good night's rest, and some probably out to find some more entertainment if Sung-Yong could convince them to come along. Sang-Chul waited until the dining room was almost empty, or at least, until he'd confirmed that he'd seen Chong-Gug walking out, closely escorted by Nam-Il and Uke.

He frowned as the possibility of Nam-Il and Uke also knowing what had happened crossed his mind. To his knowledge, Chun-Soo had not let anyone know about their little arrangement, and God knows what they would think if Chong-Gug told them. He shook his head and sighed-there was nothing he could do about that now.

"Come on..let's go up."

Chun-Soo followed him out of the dining room and into the elevator, leaning against the wall with a distant look in his eyes as they rode up to their floors. Sang-Chul watched him all the way, though the boy seemed so lost in his thoughts that he didn't realize that he was being closely watched.

Sang-Chul knew that even with his current state of mind, Chun-Soo would still hold up his end of the deal. He would still do whatever Sang-Chul told him to, submit to his wishes, to whatever he had planned for them. Sang-Chul had plans, that's for sure, but the plan was to make Chun-Soo happy. The plan was for Chun-Soo to feel good about himself tonight. He didn't want this to be another one of those nights where he simply took advantage of the control the boy had handed over to him.

"Do you want to stop by your room first to pick up some things?" Sang-Chul asked as the elevator stopped at the floor where the players were staying.

Chun-Soo shook his head. "Let's just go straight to your room.."

They got to Sang-Chul's room without incident, and without bumping into anybody else, and once inside Sang-Chul helped Chun-Soo out of his thick garments and stored them carefully into the cupboard, including the new coat. He was almost sorry to see it off-the boy had looked so beautiful in it, but he knew they had more important things to do.

When he returned to the bedroom area Chun-Soo was sitting at the edge of the bed, listlessly kicking off his shoes. Sang-Chul watched as he unbuckled his belt and threw it aside, then started to pull his shirt out of his trousers. Chun-Soo undid the buttons and let it hang open, exposing his chest and stomach, then he put his hands on his sides and looked up at Sang-Chul.

"So..what do you want me to do tonight?"

Exhaling deeply, Sang-Chul stepped towards the bed and sat down beside him, throwing an arm around his shoulders.

"You don't need to keep it hidden from me.."

"Keep what hidden from you?"

"This..your unease about this situation." Sang-Chul said. "Your shock at seeing him like that, at having him see us like that."

Chun-Soo shrugged, trying to look nonchalant. "Not much I can do about it now.."

"True, but you don't have to pretend that it's not bothering you. I know it is."

Chun-Soo looked up at him. "Are you upset with me?"

Sang-Chul shook his head. "Why would I be?"

"It's just that..here I am with you, and yet I can't stop thinking about him." Chun-Soo said. "All this time, and he can still do this to me.."

"Chun-Soo.."

"I won't lie to you.." he continued. "I still love him."

Sang-Chul nodded. He knew that one was coming, had expected nothing less, but still it left him with an unpleasant feeling. What was it..jealousy? He hoped not. Jealousy would mean crossing the line that Chun-Soo had so clearly drawn for him. Jealousy was not part of his deal. "I know."

"I only wanted us to let go, to get on with our damn lives. I've tried so hard to do that, but it seems to me like the effort is not mutual.."

"The way he looked at us?" Sang-Chul said. "I don't think he's tried to let go at all."

"That idiot.." Chun-Soo said bitterly. "What more does he want from me? Haven't we hurt each other enough?"

"Chun-Soo.." Sang-Chul said. "What would you want to do? Explain it to him?"

"No." Chun-Soo replied quickly. "He wouldn't understand..he just wouldn't. Especially at this point. It'll have to wait."

"So you'll tell him, eventually?"

Chun-Soo swallowed hard. "If there's one thing Chong-Gug's always had trouble dealing with, it's the truth. I don't know if time will make any difference."

"Well, you certainly know him better than I do. I'll leave that decision up to you."

Chun-Soo nodded slowly, then offered a weak smile. "I'm sorry.."

"Don't be." Sang-Chul told him. "Now, what I want you to do is to put him out of your mind, at least for tonight."

"I can try.."

"And I can help you." Sang-Chul said. "Look, you made it very clear for me right from the start. I'm not here to try and take his place. That's not my part."

He held the boy's face by his chin and tilted it up to meet his gaze. "My part, Chun-Soo..is to help make you feel good."

A hint of cheer returned to Chun-Soo's eyes. "And enjoy yourself while doing it."

"Exactly." Sang-Chul smiled. "Tonight, that's all I want to do. Because we have so much to celebrate and I won't let this ruin it any one bit."

Chun-Soo tilted his head slightly and kissed the hand that was holding his chin. "What do you have in mind?"

"Tell you what..why don't you go in the bathroom and get yourself freshened up a bit, and I'll make sure everything's ready by the time you come out. Sound good?"

"Sounds just fine." Chun-Soo smiled in earnest this time.

"Well go on, then.." Sang-Chul said. "And take your time."

Grinning, Chun-Soo stood up and made his way towards the bathroom. He stopped to look over his shoulder at Sang-Chul, who was still sitting on the bed. "Hey, Sang-Chul.."

"What?"

"Thank you."

"No problem." Sang-Chul smiled, and watched as he disappeared behind the bathroom door. "No problem at all.."

Young-Pyo held the tiny bottle up against the light of the bedside lamp and observed his contents. There was only a bit of the oil left in it, so he knew he'd have to use it sparingly. He undid the cap and poured a small amount into his palms, rubbing them together while Tae-Young waited for him on the bed, his shirt unbuttoned.

"What's that?" the older man asked weakly as the strong scent began filling the room.

"Cajuput oil." Young-Pyo said. "It should keep you warm."

Tae-Young had complained of feeling cold and dizzy, even after Young-Pyo had turned up the heating in the room and piled some extra blankets on him. He began massaging the oil onto the older man's chest, applying it evenly from his torso up to his collarbone. He also rubbed the oil onto Tae-Young's temples with his fingers to ease his headache, aware that his body was a lot warmer than it ought to be.

"Do you want me to call up the team doctor? You're running a fever.."

"No, no, I'll be just fine." Tae-Young said. "Don't be so concerned."

Young-Pyo frowned at him. "I'm your lover. Last time I checked, concern was part of the job description."

Tae-Young chuckled lightly and reached up to stroke Young-Pyo's face. "I know, I know. It's just that I hate seeing you like this. Smile a little for me, won't you?"

Sighing, Young-Pyo gave him a little smile.

"That's more like it.." Tae-Young said. "I'll be okay, Young-Pyo. It's just a cold."

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay?" Young-Pyo asked as he buttoned up the older man's shirt and drew the blankets up to his shoulders.

"I'm sure." Tae-Young said. "If this is contagious, I don't want you to catch it."

Young-Pyo replaced the cap on the bottle, then took Tae-Young's cell phone and laid it beside the bottle on the bedside table, within the older man's easy reach.

"If you need anything, call me."

"I will." Tae-Young assured him. "Don't forget my keycard. Good night.."

Young-Pyo wanted to kiss him, but knowing Tae-Young was right about the illness being potentially contagious, he opted to just kiss his hand instead. Quietly he walked towards the door, stopping briefly to take Tae-Young's key card with him, looking back and seeing that Tae-Young's eyes were already closed, his breathing slow and steady. Assured that everything was okay, he walked out of the room and closed the door behind him.

"You saw-WHAT?" Nam-Il made no effort to hide his surprise.

>From his vantage point near the doorway, Uke observed the scene in front of him. He'd been content to let Nam-Il do most of the talking ever since they got up here, to Chong-Gug's room, where Chong-Gug had finally gotten himself together enough to tell them just what it was he'd seen.

Somehow, Uke did not find it quite as shocking.

"I saw Chun-Soo..with Sang-Chul."

Nam-Il looked like he was about to say something when he suddenly broke into a sneezing fit. Uke quickly went for a box of tissues lying on top of the small dining table and handed it to him, his concern growing as Nam-Il got progressively sicker. Nam-Il's concern, however, was solely on Chong-Gug.

"I didn't just see them, mind you.." Chong-Gug said flatly. "I heard them, too."

"Heard them?" Uke finally spoke up.

"I was coming down that corridor when I heard voices coming from the bathroom on my left." Chong-Gug explained. "You didn't have to be a genius to figure out what they were doing in there.."

And you didn't have to be a genius to see the hurt and shock in Chong-Gug's eyes, either.

Nam-Il blew his nose hard and threw the wads of tissue into a wastebasket. "Chong-Gug, you have *got* to be kidding me.."

"I wish I were.." Chong-Gug muttered. "I wish this was all just a nightmare I have to wake up from.."

And what would you want to wake up to, Chong-Gug? Chun-Soo being at your side and smiling at you, never mind all the trouble he went through trying to distance himself from you for your own sake?

Uke was surprised at what he was thinking, but he couldn't quite help it.

"What was Chun-Soo thinking?" Nam-Il shook his head. "What is wrong with him?"

"Nothing is.." Uke muttered under his breath, just loud enough for the other two to hear.

Nam-Il and Chong-Gug both looked up at him. "What?"

"I said, nothing is.." Uke said. "Nothing is wrong with Chun-Soo."

"You don't know that.." Nam-Il said, his eyes giving off a stern warning. "You don't know him."

"Oh, I think I do. He's told me a lot of things I know he's never told you.." he turned towards Chong-Gug. "..or you."

Chong-Gug stared at him in the eyes, perhaps the first time he'd truly acknowledged Uke's presence in the room, and his expresion grew dark. "What did he tell you? What did he say about me?"

"About you?" Uke rolled his eyes.

"Yes, about me!" Chong-Gug said, suspicion audible in the rising pitch of his voice. Uke quelled the urge to bite back with a sharp retort and forced himself to stay calm.

"He only said two things about you, Chong-Gug..that he loved you, and that he doesn't want to hurt you anymore."

In the silence that ensued Nam-Il's gaze flitted back and forth between Uke and Chong-Gug, his expression bewildered. "Uh..guys? Did I miss something?"

Chong-Gug's eyes lost their harshness and Uke realized he'd been holding his breath the entire time. Slowly, the auburn-haired midfielder sank into his bed, seemingly shrinking within himself.

"He told you, didn't he?" Chong-Gug spoke slowly. "Told you about the night before I left for Holland.."

"Yes."

"So you know."

"I know what happened, I know what he did, I know his reasons.." Uke said. "..and now I know that he was right."

Chong-Gug looked like he was about to fume all over again, but Nam-Il was waving his hand in the air, trying to get their attention. "Excuse me..would anyone care to explain what the hell this is all about?"

Both Chong-Gug and Uke looked at him, then looked at each other.

"You want to tell him or should I?" Chong-Gug said, his tone rather sarcastic.

"You do it." Uke replied with matching animosity, then moved over to sit at the armrest of the chair where Nam-Il was sitting. His lover looked up at him with a confused look, but then Chong-Gug began speaking.

"I went to Chun-Soo's place the night before I left for Holland..to talk about things. You remember, this was during the time everybody was talking about that book he wrote."

"Oh, that book.." Nam-Il said. "Yes."

"Anyway, it wasn't pretty. We ended up arguing, going back and forth, and somewhere along the line, I hit him."

"Twice." Uke added.

"Yes, twice!" Chong-Gug spat. "I don't need to be reminded. You think I liked doing it?"

"Hey, no need to go all defensive on me.." Uke raised his hands. "He made you do it."

"He..what?" Nam-Il exclaimed.

"I'll cut it short, Nam-Il..in the end, he said it was better for us to let go." Chong-Gug said. "You know..all of this. Us. Him and me. Over and done with."

"For a reason.." Uke muttered.

Chong-Gug looked like he was about to say something, but the words died on his lips and his eyes became forlorn. "Yes, for a reason.."

For the umpteenth time, Nam-Il looked back and forth between them, a total lack of comprehension best describing the face he wore. "I don't understand.."

"Neither did I, at first." Chong-Gug said. "But then I realized he was right."

"Well, I'm glad you feel that way.." Uke muttered. "..because believe me, that was the most difficult decision he ever had to made all his life."

Hearing this, Chong-Gug seemed to sink deeper, his shoulders slumping as he folded his arms in front of himself. "He did what I could not."

"Chong-Gug, why? I don't understand.." Nam-Il asked.

"I fell into that trap again, Nam-Il." Chong-Gug said flatly. "The one you and Jung-Hwan had tried so hard to pull me out of. Believing everything will be okay in the end, trying to build walls around us.."

For the first time the entire evening, Uke actually felt sorry for him. His voice was on the brink of croaking, and somewhere beneath those auburn locks draping over his face, his eyes had gone watery.

"I couldn't have him, I couldn't change him. I knew it..but I just didn't.." he made an exasperated gesture with his arms. "I didn't accept it."

"I thought you said you were going to try and make it work.." Nam-Il said. "Even if it meant waiting.."

"That's what I thought, too. But in doing so, I was slowly pushing him towards the edge. If he'd fallen over, it would've been my fault."

"He just didn't want to hurt you anymore.." Uke said. "It's as simple as that. He knows you'll only hurt each other the longer you hold out."

Chong-Gug offered him a mirthless smile. "Then you are right..you do know him better than I do."

"Nobody knows Chun-Soo but himself." Uke said.

Nam-Il reached up to hold one of his hands and squeezed it lightly. Uke looked down and saw that Nam-Il was smiling weakly at him. "Let me guess..you and Chun-Soo had this conversation while I was..I was.."

"Yes, that was the night." Uke said. "So you owe him something, too. I think that conversation changed my entire perspective."

"I'll send him a card." Nam-Il said jokingly.

"Okay, now it's my turn to be confused.." Chong-Gug said from the bed.

"We'll tell the story you sometime." Nam-Il said.

"Yeah, if you have a year to spare." Uke added.

Chong-Gug contemplated this for a while, then reached up to rub his weary face with his hands. Uke watched as he discreetly thumbed away the tears from his eyes, blinking several times to be rid of their traces.

"Okay, then..I suppose it's not my business if he is with somebody else." he said with a note of resignation. "But why..him?"

"Beats me." Nam-Il shook his head. "Is it the common behaviour pattern for our young players? They fall in love, they screw up, and then they go and fuck Yoo Sang-Chul?"

"Hey!" Uke frowned at him. "I take exception to that!"

Smiling, Nam-Il rubbed his knee gently, before another coughing fit took over him.

"God, you really are sick.." Chong-Gug commented. "Why don't you go to bed?"

"I'm fine.." Nam-Il said as he cleared his throat. "I'm not so sure about you, though."

"I wish I could say I'm fine, but you can tell I'm not." Chong-Gug said with a sad smile. "But I'll make it."

"You'd better.." Nam-Il said, his tone serious. "Don't let this get to you..not when you're doing so well."

"I won't." Chong-Gug assured him. "Now please, go to your room and get some rest."

"Yeah, you listen to him." Uke got off the armrest and helped Nam-Il onto his feet. "Come on..let's go."

Chong-Gug walked them towards the door and held it open to for them. "Hey, Uke.."

"Yeah?"

Chong-Gug drummed his fingers along the doorframe and sighed. "I'm sorry."

Uke shook his head. "Don't be.."

"No, really." Chong-Gug insisted. "You were right. Chun-Soo was right, too. He was never the real problem behind all this..I was."

"I don't think he'd want you to think of it that way." Uke said. "Look, I don't know what this whole deal with Sang-Chul is about, but trust me on this..he would not do this just to spite you, or anything. He would never do that."

Chong-Gug nodded. "I know."

"Please, don't make any conclusions before you really know what's going on. I know it doesn't look good and it feels even worse.." Uke said. "but he would never hurt you intentionally. I don't think he even meant for you to know."

"I don't think so, either." Chong-Gug said. "Take good care of Nam-Il, okay?"

"Okay." Uke said, and then the door of the room was closed in front of him.

He held on to Nam-Il as they walked back towards their room-well, technically it was Nam-Il's room but as soon as they checked in Uke had abandoned his own assigned room and hauled all of his stuff over to Nam-Il's, where they had both been staying the past two nights.

"So..are you going to tell me the details?" Nam-Il asked as they walked. "About what really happened between them?"

"I don't think I should be the one to tell you." Uke said. "Ask him again once he's gotten himself together.."

"You know, for a while there I thought I was going to have to referee a fistfight between the two of you."

"For a while there, I thought you were going to take his side." Uke said.

"There are no sides to be taken.." Nam-Il said. "I'm smart enough to realize that."

"Never said you weren't.."

"But you thought I was going to take his side."

"Because he's your friend. Because you hate seeing him like that.."

"I've seen him worse." Nam-Il said. "I've seen him barely having control of himself, not knowing what he was doing to himself, to others..or to Chun-Soo."

"And that was why Chun-Soo decided that it had to end." Uke said.

They got to the door of their room and Nam-Il slotted in the key card, allowing Uke inside. They both changed into sleeping garments and Uke went through his traveling bag as Nam-Il climbed on the bed. He pulled out a small box where he carried a small supply of over-the-counter medications he always carried with him on trips.

"Now..do you want the cough syrup or the flu pill? I'm not going to give you both."

"Cough syrup.." Nam-Il said hoarsely. "My throat is killing me."

Uke helped him to two spoonfuls of the syrup and gave him a glass of water to wash it down with.

"Once you get back to Kwangnyang, go see a doctor.." Uke said as he got on the bed. "Immediately."

"Yes, dear.." Nam-Il muttered drowsily.

Smiling, Uke pulled the covers over them and wrapped his arms around Nam-Il, snuggling against his lover's back.

"Hey, Uke.."

"What?"

"Someday, I'd like to get the full story." Nam-Il. "You know, about what you talked about with Chun-Soo that..uh, affected you."

"It's not really a happy one.." Uke said against his shoulder.

"Maybe not, but.." Nam-Il sighed deeply. "I want to know how that story ends."

"So do I." Uke whispered faintly. "So do I."

"Are you recording right now?"

Sang-Chul looked at Chun-Soo's image through the Handycam's viewer screen and smiled. "Yes..why?"

"I feel silly."

"Don't. You look beautiful."

That he truly did. Chun-Soo was wearing nothing but a pair of loose black trousers made of a silky material that glided on his skin-one of Sang-Chul's gifts-and he was kneeling on the bed while Sang-Chul sat on a chair in front of it, holding the camera in one hand.

"I can't believe you still use that old thing while everyone's gone for the digital.."

"I'm a little slow getting into the digital age.." Sang-Chul said. "Besides, this thing is the latest and best of the analog models, so it's not that old."

He left unsaid the fact that he found videotapes much more manageable than digital files, as Chun-Soo leaned back on his hands and regarded him thoughtfully.

"So..what am I supposed to do now?"

"Dance for me."

"There's no music."

"Use your imagination."

Laughing, Chun-Soo took two pillows and placed them underneath his body, sprawling himself across it. Sang-Chul tried not to stare at how the subtle undulations of the boy's muscled form played out across the screen, and he hoped as the night progressed his hand would remain steady enough.

"You know, I can't give you a lap dance if you're holding that thing.." Chun-Soo said.

"Are you offering me one?"

"For a price." Chun-Soo began sucking on the tip of his index finger. Sang-Chul felt his pulse quickening. Damn, but the boy just had it within him, held under his skin, the power to enchant and enrapture others with the barest of moves.

Slowly, Chun-Soo began moving to the beat of some imaginary tune, letting his instincts take over as he closed his eyes, pulling himself up to a kneeling position once again. Sang-Chul zoomed in on his body, moving the camera up and down every inch of flesh, now and again forsaking the pixelated view of the viewer screen for the real thing.

Chun-Soo had his hands on his thighs now and he was moving sinously, gyrating his hips to a slow rhythm, showing off his muscled abdomen and his well-toned arms. Sang-Chul's throat had gone dry as he struggled to keep his hand steady, heat stirring within the fabric of his pants.

On the bed, Chun-Soo leaned further back and spread his legs wider, beginning a forward and backward move that suggested all sorts of naughty images. One of his hands went up to his waist, teasing at the band of his trousers before moving towards the clasp. Sang-Chul zoomed out to take in his entire body, the contemplative face as his fingers danced along the metal button, before finally breaking into a devilish little smirk.

"No."

Sang-Chul frowned. "What do you mean, no?"

"For a price, I said." Chun-Soo reminded him.

Snarling playfully, Sang-Chul reached for his wallet on the nearby table. "Little slut.."

"Hey, you know it better than anyone."

Sang-Chul fumbled with his wallet and produced a ten thousand won bill, waving it in the air. Chun-Soo took one look at it and pouted.

"Oh, come on..surely I'm worth more than that."

Grinning like a maniac, Sang-Chul fished around more in his wallet, his hand keeping the camera focused on Chun-Soo, and out came a fifty thousand won bill, still crisp and fresh from printing.

"That's more like it.." Chun-Soo smiled and inched forward on the bed.

Sang-Chul held the bill towards him at arm's length and Chun-Soo slowly extended himself towards it, catching it between his teeth. He drew it back, his eyes never leaving the camera lens, his gaze sultry, before taking the bill from his mouth between two fingers and palming it away.

Now he began to slowly undo his trousers, prolonging each move knowing it would drive Sang-Chul crazy, and Sang-Chul was beginning to feel like smoke was coming out of his nostrils. If Chun-Soo kept this up much longer, he'd have to go there and rip those trousers off the boy himself. Never mind that he spent quite a fortune on it.

Thankfully, he was spared having to resort to such drastic measures when the clasp came open under Chun-Soo's fingers, and the zipper was subsequently pulled down. He wore nothing underneath, revealing a fine trail of dark hair as more of the fabric parted aside, and Sang-Chul zoomed in on this, the heat traveling to every other part of his body and making it harder to stop himself from shaking.

Chun-Soo made a show out of taking his trousers off, a show of which Sang-Chul was privileged to be the sole spectator. The boy's hands glided the fabric off his skin in smooth, effortless gestures, which made Sang-Chul question at the back of his mind if Chun-Soo had been preparing himself for opportunities such as these.

Once he had his trousers completely off, Chun-Soo threw them over the side of the bed and promptly displayed himself to the camera, Sang-Chul nearly forgetting to blink as he zoomed in close and ran the view along the lines of that naked body, his heart beating rapidly inside his chest.

Chun-Soo did a little more dancing for him, turning up the heat with his movements, as Sang-Chul had to resort to gripping the camera with both hands lest he dropped it to the ground altogether. His cock was swelling inside his trousers, begging some attention, and it didn't take a long while before Chun-Soo noticed it, too.

"Wow..somebody is getting excited." he remarked playfully.

"The way you dance? You could wake the dead." Sang-Chul said breathlessly.

"Hmm..why don't you come over here and let me take care of that?"

"I'm recording."

"Then keep recording, just come over here.." Chun-Soo gestured with his fingers, and Sang-Chul felt as if his cock was telling him to do just that.

Slowly he stood up, still holding the camera, and walked towards the bed. Chun-Soo crawled over until his head was at the foot of the bed, and then he turned onto his back and let his head hang over the edge of the bed, his arms reaching out towards Sang-Chul.

As soon as he was close enough Chun-Soo took hold of his trousers and began unbuckling his belt, all the while looking up at him with a sweet smile on his face. Sang-Chul panned the camera down on Chun-Soo's upside down face, swallowing hard as the boy's expert fingers slid the belt out of their loops and pulled it loose. He then proceeded to undo the older man's fly, and within seconds he had Sang-Chul's hard, leaking cock dangling over his face.

"Ooo.." he remarked as he ran his fingers over the moist tip, gathering the fluid that was leaking there. "For me?"

Sang-Chul breathed hard and fought to keep the camera steady. "Just suck on it, you little whore."

Chun-Soo giggled lightly and then did as he was commanded, taking Sang-Chul's length inch by inch into his mouth. The angle made it difficult for him to take it all in, nor would Sang-Chul want to force him to, but he had a considerable portion of it inside. Sang-Chul felt like his knees would buckle as Chun-Soo began sucking him, the awkward position of his head giving him a new sensation he'd never felt before.

He watched through the viewer screen as the boy's throat convulsed, as his jaw muscles flexed and stretched, every minute movement of flesh documented, as he let his arms fall onto his sides and allowed his mouth to do all the work. Sang-Chul shuddered and moaned as he was worked inside that expert little mouth, feeling Chun-Soo's nose nuzzle against the pouch of his balls.

He transferred the camera back to one hand and reached out with the other, finding the flesh of the boy's chest warm and inviting to his touch. He heard muffled moans coming out of Chun-Soo's occupied mouth as he began teasing one of his nipples, rubbing and tweaking it into hardness. As if returning the favour, the boy's sucking became more intense, the treatment making Sang-Chul feel like he was about to explode.

He removed his hand and used it to cup Chun-Soo's head lightly. "Let go.."

Chun-Soo let his cock slip out of his mouth, glistening with his saliva and swollen red with barely contained release, and Sang-Chul gestured at the boy to stay still. He walked over to the side of the bed and fetched the tripod that had been leaning against the wall and quickly set it up, placing the camera on it and zoomed in on the foot of the bed, where Chun-Soo's head lay waiting.

Sang-Chul walked behind the camera and got on the bed, Chun-Soo moving up to meet him but he firmly held him in place.

"Stay right there.." he said. "Stay where you are. So the camera can see your face."

Chun-Soo nodded and turned his head slightly to face the camera lens. Out of view, Sang-Chul began a hasty preparation, wetting two fingers and working them into the boy's ass. Chun-Soo whimpered at the invasion, his eyes fluttering shut, and Sang-Chul became ever more impatient to be inside him.

He pulled his fingers out and placed his hands on Chun-Soo's hips, the boy's limber legs wrapping around his.

"Don't look at me now..just look at the camera."

Chun-Soo nodded, then gave a loud howl as Sang-Chul plunged inside, burying himself to the hilt in one thrust. Feeling the delicious tightness once again encasing his length, Sang-Chul allowed himself a devious smile.

Five days. Who knew five days could make it feel so good. And God knows how he managed to still feel so tight no matter how many times he was fucked. As he began fucking Chun-Soo, moving in and out of him in a steady rhythm, Chun-Soo was giving the performance of a lifetime in front of the camera.

"How does that feel now?" Sang-Chul asked him.

"Good.." Chun-Soo managed a choked response. "I feel like a porn star or something."

"Is that..such a bad thing?"

"No.." the boy shook his head. "I figure a porn star is one step up the ladder from a mere whore."

Laughing, Sang-Chul began to pound into him harder. Chun-Soo's eyes dilated as he gave a loud yelp, his eyes shutting and opening in rapid succession, his hands gripping the bedsheets so hard his knuckles turned white.

"You were never a mere whore, Chun-Soo.." Sang-Chul said. "You're my little whore."

"Yes.." Chun-Soo hissed sharply as his voice started to fail him. "Your little whore.."

Sang-Chul knew he was close to his climax, the way the base of his cock was vibrating. He slowed his motions down slightly, leaning down to lick the sweat off the boy's taut stomach.

"When I come..I want you to come with me."

Unable to form words, Chun-Soo only managed a small nod.

"Talk to the camera, will you?"

"What..what do I..say?"

"My name. Say my name. The one who's making you feel this good.."

Chun-Soo turned his sweating, flushed face towards the camera and whispered faintly.

"Sang-Chul.."

"A bit louder."

"Sang-Chul.." the boy's throat strained as he fought to get the words out. "Sang-Chul.."

Sang-Chul..Sang-Chul..

The same voice, the same voice that had so many times spoke of his name, in very much the same way, the desperate little whimpers of a heated body, the feel of sweaty skin sliding underneath his fingers, the half-lidded eyes that burned through his and the voice that said his name.

Chong-Gug..Chong-Gug..

But no, it wasn't his name that he heard. It was someone else's. And it kept on echoing inside his head, mocking him, laughing at his weakness, as he tossed and turned in his bed desperate to be rid of the suffocating pressure of denial.

Sang-Chul..Sang-Chul..

Why, Chun-Soo..why? Why are you doing this to me, why are you doing this to yourself?

Let me go, Chong-Gug..

I can't, I can't, I can't. I don't want to. I don't want to even think about it. Call me a fool, call me a coward, all those slurs they had always directed at you but should have gone to me instead.

He closed his eyes and saw nothing but Chun-Soo's face. Worse, his head was filled with images of Chun-Soo in someone else's arms, the way he used to be in his, flashes of heat in the dark of the night, and that voice, that voice..

Sang-Chul..Sang-Chul..

"NO!" he said through his gritted teeth. "Leave me alone..please leave me alone.."

He shouldn't have come here. Now he believed it even more than before. All he got was grief and despair. And hurt.

He loves you.

He doesn't want to hurt you anymore.

Easy for you to say, Uke..easy for you. So secure and warm in someone's company, so safe in the knowledge that Nam-Il will be there with you when you wake up, and what does that leave me with? Nothing. I have nothing. I have nobody. I am alone.

Young-Pyo couldn't sleep. Even though he was tired to his bones, his eyes wouldn't remain shut long enough for his consciousness to follow suit. He was concerned about Tae-Young, for one thing, and couldn't stop thinking about what might be wrong with the older man's health. Although Tae-Young had assured him that he would be all right, Young-Pyo wasn't convinced.

The clock struck two and he was still wide awake, his muscles aching from a long night's toil on the pitch yet unable to rest. Finally he let out a long sigh and decided that if Tae-Young's condition worried him so much, maybe he should just go and check on him. Sitting up on the bed, Young-Pyo threw his blankets aside and reached around for the lamp switch.

He got into a pair of loose trousers and his national jacket, and grabbed Tae-Young's key card on the way out. The halls were empty, cold, though brightly lit, and he listened as the hotel slippers he wore made muffled sounds as it padded against the thick carpeting. Tae-Young's room was two corridors away from his room, and Young-Pyo walked along with his head downcast, studying the patterns on the carpet.

He was making a turn towards the other corridor when he bumped into something hard and big, and something that made a noise of pain.

"Owww!"

"Oops, sorry..didn't see you-" Young-Pyo looked up to see who he'd accidentally run into. "-coming."

In front of him stood a man much taller than himself, still fully dressed, looking down on him with his thick brows raised in surprise.

"Ki-Hyeon.."

"Hey, Young-Pyo.." the deep voice said. Young-Pyo felt his heartbeat quickening all of a sudden.

"I was just..I was..I mean, I'm sorry. I wasn't-"

"It's okay, relax." Ki-Hyeon assured him, placing a hand on his shoulder. Young-Pyo felt an involuntary shudder at the tall striker's touch, and it made him feel uneasy.

"You..you just got back?"

"Yeah. Somehow I let Sung-Yong talk me into joining him to some club downtown."

Young-Pyo swallowed over the lump in his throat and braved himself a look at the big man's face. "So..had a good time?"

"Pretty much." Ki-Hyeon shrugged. "Nobody recognized us, so were weren't bothered by anybody asking for autographs or that kind of stuff."

"Oh..good." Young-Pyo said, aware that he was sounding ridiculous.

"How have you been? I haven't really had a chance to talk to you ever since I got here."

"I've been okay.." Young-Pyo said. "Not as good as you have."

Ki-Hyeon laughed a little, his eyes warm with cheer. "Thank you. I didn't know you've been keeping up with my progress."

"They way you've been scoring? Hard not to." Young-Pyo returned the smile, then almost lost it immediately.

What are you doing, Young-Pyo? Don't tell me you're actually *flirting* with him. He's a married man, for God's sake!

"So..how's..the family? I mean, your baby.."

"Oh, he's doing great." Ki-Hyeon said. "He's started crawling around the house a bit. I wanted to take him and Mijie here with me, but since this visit is very short we both decided it won't be to good for him."

"I see." Young-Pyo said. "And how's Mijie?"

"Good, she's good." Ki-Hyeon said casually. "Everything's fine."

"I'm happy to hear that." Young-Pyo said.

"So, where were you going just now?"

"Uh..I was just..I mean.." Young-Pyo stuttered, gesturing at the direction of Tae-Young's room.

"Hey..what's that smell?" Ki-Hyeon said as he leaned in closer, and Young-Pyo fought to maintain composure. "Is that cajuput oil?"

"Eh..yes." Young-Pyo managed to reply.

Unexpectedly, Ki-Hyeon stepped even closer to him, and Young-Pyo found himself unable to back away. Either he couldn't, or he didn't want to.

"What's the matter, are you sick?"

A large hand came to rest against his face, the palm warm and calloused, and Young-Pyo found himself looking into two dark eyes that were filled concern.

"No.." he whispered. "I'm fine."

The hand began a slow stroke down his cheek, and he was appalled to realize that he was actually enjoying it.

"Are you sure? You look a little pale.."

Young-Pyo tried to say something else, but when he looked up Ki-Hyeon's face was inching ever closer to his own, and his voice began to falter.

"Ki-Hyeon.."

Before he knew it Ki-Hyeon was kissing him, those fleshy lips melded with his own, and those powerful arms were around his body, backing him against the wall. Young-Pyo was instantly thrown back into time, memories of a hot night in Daejeon coming back to the surface as Ki-Hyeon pressed the full length of his body against him, overwhelming him with his size and strength.

Young-Pyo felt like his head was swimming as the tall striker's hands moved about his body, one large hand sliding down his back to carress him lightly through the fabric of his trousers. Suddenly jolted by this gesture, Young-Pyo quickly pried himself loose and pushed Ki-Hyeon away, perhaps a little harder than necessary, and Ki-Hyeon stumbled backwards, almost losing his balance.

"Stop." Young-Pyo said as he leaned against the wall, fighting to regain his breath. "Stop..I can't do this."

Ki-Hyeon shook his head and rubbed his face with one hand, his look remorseful. "I'm sorry..I shouldn't have done that."

"Ki-Hyeon.."

"Don't know what came over me..maybe I just had a little too much to drink."

Young-Pyo wiped his moist lips, feeling guilty and shameful, aware that he'd initially made no effort to resist Ki-Hyeon's advances.

"It's my fault..I should've stopped you."

"No, no..it's my fault." Ki-Hyeon said. "I'm sorry, Young-Pyo. I didn't mean to..I just..I got a little carried away there."

"So did I."

Ki-Hyeon took a deep breath and glanced up at the ceiling, placing his hands on his hips. "It's just that..Mijie and I have been having problems lately. You know, ever since the baby was born."

"Ki-Hyeon.."

"I don't know, maybe it's because we're both awfully young. I just never seem to have enough time for her, or the baby.."

Young-Pyo listened, for once remembering that this tall man in front of him, so mature in his poise and carriage, so composed both on and off the pitch, was actually two whole years younger than he was.

"I..I'm sure you guys will work it out somehow." He said.

"Yeah, we probably will." Ki-Hyeon nodded. "It's just that..I came here to take a break from it all, find some time to be with myself to think about what I have to do..and then seeing you again-I don't know, it just brought back memories."

"I know." Young-Pyo said. "I feel the same way."

Ki-Hyeon offered him a little smile. "Well..it was good, wasn't it? Can't argue with that."

"It was.." Young-Pyo agreed. "But I have to tell you something, too. I'm..I'm with someone."

Ki-Hyeon's expression changed into something Young-Pyo couldn't quite put words to. Disappointment? Surprise? Guilt?

"You..are?"

Young-Pyo nodded. "For the past month or so."

"Do I know..him? Her?"

"Him. Yes, you know him." Young-Pyo said. "Actually, I was on my way to see him."

"Oh..so he's a member of this team, then." Ki-Hyeon ran a hand through his short hair, his look dumbfounded. "Uh..may I ask who it is?"

Young-Pyo took a deep breath before answering. "Tae-Young."

Ki-Hyeon's thick brows raised in amazement. "Tae-Young?"

"I know it sounds strange, but.."

"No, no, no.." Ki-Hyeon quickly cut him off. "It doesn't sound strange. He's a good man. I'm happy for you."

Young-Pyo managed a little smile. "Thanks."

"Oh, Young-Pyo..I'm sorry." Ki-Hyeon said. "I don't know what I was thinking, I shouldn't have done that.."

"And I should've stopped you." Young-Pyo. "Look, we got carried away. That's it. Let's just forget about it, shall we?"

"Yeah, yeah.." Ki-Hyeon nodded. "I should probably get some sleep anyway, shake off this alcohol effect."

"You should." Young-Pyo said. "I'm..I think I'm gonna head over there now."

"Sure, go ahead." Ki-Hyeon said. "I'll see you again during Christmas break, I guess."

"Okay."

As he watched Ki-Hyeon disappear beyond the edge of the hallway, Young-Pyo wanted nothing more than to beat himself up with a stick. How on earth could he have let that happen? He wasn't drunk, he wasn't having problems with Tae-Young, and he could've stopped Ki-Hyeon. Why didn't he? Guilt crept up his spine and made him want to shrink and disappear right then and there.

"Tae-Young..wake up."

The gentle nudging slowly pulled Tae-Young back towards consciousness from his deep sleep, and little by little he regained his senses. When he opened his eyes, in the dark he saw the familiar gleaming of two dark eyes, and realized that someone was sitting on top of him. Blinking his eyes several times to get them back into focus, he pulled himself up slightly and yawned.

"Young-Pyo? What..what are you doing here, I thought you were asleep."

"I have to tell you something." Young-Pyo said, and his voice was anything but happy.

Alarmed, Tae-Young quickly regained awareness. He reached for the switch of the bedside lamp and flipped it on, squinting at the harsh yellow light before Young-Pyo's face came into focus. The little midfielder was looking at him with eyes that looked like they were at the verge of tears.

"What's wrong, Young-Pyo? Tell me." He reached up to stroke his lover's cheek.

"Promise you won't be mad at me."

"Young-Pyo.." he laid his other hand on the younger man's knee. "You know I'd never do that."

"Well, you just might after this." Young-Pyo said tersely. "I..I bumped into Ki-Hyeon in the hallway just now."

"Yes..and?"

"And..we talked for a while, you know..I asked about how he was doing, he was telling me about..about his wife, and that little baby of his, and I just..well, I don't really know how to say this.."

Tae-Young's forehead creased into a deep frown. "Young-Pyo..please don't tell me you want a baby, too."

The look on his lover's face instantly changed to one of bewilderment, followed by a scowl on his lips.

"You know what? I'd actually love to, but unfortunately the intense love I feel for you has yet to convince my body to start developing a uterus, so.." he waved his hand in a sweeping gesture. "..banish the thought."

"Pity." Tae-Young sighed. "So..you were saying something about Ki-Hyeon?"

The gloom momentarily lifted from his face, Young-Pyo nodded. "Yeah."

"And?"

"And..I should probably tell you this first. You know about what I said..about Uke being the last relationship I had before..before you came along?"

"Yes."

"Well..I wasn't being entirely accurate." Young-Pyo said guiltily.

"Meaning?"

"Meaning that while Uke *was* the last 'relationship' I had..he wasn't exactly..uh, he wasn't the last person I was..with."

"You mean like..he wasn't the last person you slept with?"

Young-Pyo's lips twisted as he gave a slow nod. "Uh-huh.."

"You don't have to feel guilty about that.." Tae-Young said. "So what? It doesn't matter now, does it?"

"See, I was just getting to that.." Young-Pyo traced patterns on Tae-Young's chest with his finger, something Tae-Young had learned that his lover did whenever he was feeling nervous about saying something. "You know..the last person I slept with? Well..it was Ki-Hyeon, to be honest."

For a while Tae-Young had trouble processing the information, either the violent headache from several hours ago had shut down a portion of his brain or he wasn't as awake as he ought to be.

"Ki-Hyeon.."

"Yes."

"Uh..when was this?"

"Last June."

Tae-Young felt his jaw dropping slightly. "June? You mean..during the World Cup?"

"Yeah." Young-Pyo said. "One night."

"One night.." Tae-Young repeated. "And which night was that?"

"Eh..it was probably around the same time you were getting your nose x-rayed at the hospital."

Tae-Young nodded as he pieced together the information. "Daejeon. After Italy."

"Yeah, that was it." Young-Pyo said. "I don't know..it was one of those spur of the moment things, us being so happy about the victory and all.."

"I'll bet. We were pretty giddy that night."

"We were." Young-Pyo nodded. "And just now, I bumped into him in the hallway, and he..well, he sort of tried to.."

"He made advances towards you?"

"Well..that's the subtle way of saying it." Young-Pyo said. "Actually, he grabbed me and..he kissed me."

Tae-Young allowed himself several moments to think about what he was going to say next. The longer he stayed silent, the more guilt crept into Young-Pyo's eyes as he looked down on him.

"I'm sorry.." he whispered. "I pushed him away, and he.."

"He didn't hurt you, did he?"

"No! No, not at all. He said he was sorry, too..said he'd been out with Sung-Yong, probably had a little too much to drink, having problems with his wife.."

"So you pushed him away, and he let you go."

"Yes, he let me go." Young-Pyo nodded. "But I..I didn't push him away immediately."

Young-Pyo fell silent, as if waiting for Tae-Young to say something, and he avoided the older man's gaze. Tae-Young reached up with both hands to cup the midfielder's face, turning it to look into his eyes. Those beautiful eyes were regarding him with a hint of fear, as if expecting a stern reprimand or something. Sighing, Tae-Young shook his head.

"You don't need to apologize, Young-Pyo.."

"But I let him do it!" Young-Pyo said. "I let him..and I.."

"You actually liked it?"

His shoulders slumping, Young-Pyo nodded. "I didn't mean to.."

"Now, now..come on." Tae-Young said. "It's okay. Look, I'm not mad at you."

"But I'm mad at myself. I shouldn't have let him do that. I could've told him, and I didn't.." Young-Pyo shook his head shamefully. "I didn't."

Tae-Young watched as a single tear rolled free of Young-Pyo's left eye, and he caught it with his thumb, brushing it away before it could run a streak down the little midfielder's face.

"Don't cry.." Tae-Young said. "This isn't something you should cry about."

"I feel bad."

"Don't." Tae-Young shook his head. "It's okay. People do that sometimes. It happens."

"I love you." Young-Pyo said. "You do know that, don't you? It's you, not him. Just you. Not him. Not..him."

"Yes, yes, I know." Tae-Young said. "I never doubted it for one second."

Gently, he pulled Young-Pyo down until his lover's head rested against his chest, and he began kissing his forehead gently, trying to give him comfort. Somehow, the gentle treatment only made Young-Pyo cry again. Tae-Young held him tightly, trying to convey with his gestures that there was truly nothing for him to feel sorry for.

"It's okay.." he whispered. "Ssshh..it's okay. Come on now, don't cry.."

"I want to stay here." Young-Pyo said. "Please let me stay here..please?"

"Of course." Tae-Young said, gently maneuvering himself until Young-Pyo was beside him, pulling the blankets up over the midfielder's body. "It's okay..I'm right here."

Young-Pyo wriggled deeper into his embrace, as if fearing that he would be let go. Tae-Young held him tight and stroked his back slowly to assure him that he wouldn't. He gave little kisses on the midfielder's head, running his nose across the black hair as Young-Pyo slowly calmed down.

"I'm sorry.."

"It's okay, Young-Pyo." Tae-Young said. "Everything's okay."

"Are you..still sick?"

"The headache's almost gone.." Tae-Young said, lying slightly. He was still dizzy, but he knew Young-Pyo didn't need to hear about it right now. "I'll be fine with a little more rest."

He felt a deep breath being released against his chest. "I love you.."

"I know. I love you, too. Now go to sleep." he said. "Don't worry..I'll be here when you wake up."

It was those last words that seemed to soothe Young-Pyo, allowing his own fatigue to take over him as he fell asleep in Tae-Young's arms, his breathing slowing down into a steady rhythm. Tae-Young pulled back a little to gaze at that beautiful sleeping face, using his fingers to gently brush away the trails of tears down Young-Pyo's face.

"You did nothing wrong.." he whispered.

There were worse things in this universe that one can do, and God knows Young-Pyo hadn't done anything remotely close to that. It wasn't pleasant to see him so wrecked with guilt over something like that, guilt towards Tae-Young, no less. Guilt towards the man who had done so much worse, who was yet to atone for his sins. Up until now, he still wondered how on earth he'd ended up being with Young-Pyo, with this beautiful creature that filled his days with happiness he wasn't sure he deserved.

He had no right to be angry, he knew that. Not at Young-Pyo, not at Ki-Hyeon. Ki-Hyeon couldn't have known, and maybe he just felt like reliving the night he had with Young-Pyo one more time. Never mind that he had a wife and baby waiting for him back in Brussels. Tae-Young could not hold him at fault even for that.

How could he, when he knew he had done much worse in his own past?

~FIN~