What if I missed you
You got caught in the sun
What if I did something
Never to be enough

People everywhere how could I be sure
Is it you that I have been looking for
What would it take for me to be comfortable
With you, with me you're the chosen one

"Caught In the Sun" - Course of Nature -

Busan, July 19th 2002 Kudok Stadium

For some reason, I find the air in the locker room stifling hot, almost suffocating. Maybe it's because the room's crowded with players and we've just finished our training session. More likely it's because I just can't wait to get the hell out of here.

I've been drifting in and out all day, barely able to keep my focus. Fortunately I was rested for much of the training session, and they' re obviously hoping I'll be fit again for the match against Suwon. I don't care. I just want to go home.

There are some tabloids littered across the benches - the club's been keeping up with what the media is saying, it would seem. That said, I still don't see a distinct effort from any of the K-League clubs to counter the horrendous inaccuracy that runs rampant in the publications. In fact, most of the time they just keep their mouths shut and let the media do all the wild speculating they want.

I probably couldn't care less on any other day, but with the situation the way it is now...

They had the nerve to print Chun-Soo's forlorn-looking face all over their front pages, claiming that he has been `officially reprimanded' by Ulsan Tigers not to fuss over his possible move to England too much, or they'll make it even more difficult for him.

What I find most depressing about that, ironically enough, is the fact that it's almost good enough to be true.

The look on his face in that close-up picture just ripped my heart right out my chest. I've never seen him looking so distressed. And the worst part about it? There's not a damn thing I can do. The person I care about most is being torn to shreds from the inside out and there's nothing I can do. Nothing.

I slam my locker shut, not caring about the strange looks some of the other players are giving me. I don't need to explain anything to them. I just need to get home and get ready, and wait for Nam-Il.

I'm in such a hurry that on my way out, I accidentally bump into Jung-Hyo.

"Oops, sorry..." I mutter as I walk out of the locker room without even looking at him.

"Hey, Chong-Gug!" he calls after me. "What is wrong with you? You've been acting weird all day!"

I say nothing, but my eyes glance toward the newspaper stack on the bench, just visible from outside the door of the locker room. Jung-Hyo follows my gaze and sees it, then lets out a deep sigh.

"Listen, Chong-Gug... you and I both know that the stuff they print is total rubbish. You can't let it get to you."

"It's not about me, Jung-Hyo..." I say.

"Is it about one of the other guys? Nam-Il, Chun-Soo... or Jung- Hwan?"

"All of them." I mumble, not wanting to elaborate on the subject.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he offers.

I force a smile, just to be polite. "Thanks, but I think I just need some time alone now."

"Okay." Jung-Hyo nods. "See you tomorrow, then. Don't be late."

"I'll be there." I say, already spinning on my heels and heading for the exit.

The team assigned a car and driver to me after the World Cup so I don't have to drive myself to practice sessions. They were afraid that I'd get mobbed by fans or the media if I drive alone. It's a good thing this driver is all about his job - no mess, no fuss, no questions asked. He just picks me up and drives me home, and by the time I get to my front door, he's already gone.

Good riddance, then.

I pack up just enough to last me for an overnight trip and stuff it into a traveling bag, then wait anxiously for Nam-Il. Luckily, I don't have to wait too long before a message beeps on my cell phone. It's Nam-Il, telling me that he'll soon arrive. Sure enough, not long after that I hear engine noise from outside my driveway.

He's driving an off-white KIA Rio - it looks good enough to be brand new, but the Rio is hardly a top-end car. With the kind of money we got for our bonuses, he could've easily afforded a Mercedes-Benz. Then again, Nam-Il's never been the type of person to flaunt his wealth.

He exits the car and smiles at me. His clothing is completely casual, loose black cargo pants and a blue t-shirt, his once auburn hair dyed a lighter shade of blonde. I walk towards him, extending my right hand. He takes it and pulls me straight into a hug, slapping my back enthusiastically.

"It's good to see you again, Brother..." he whispers.

I almost choke - not because of his embrace, but because of his words. "You have no idea how thankful I am for this..." I say, sniffling.

"Like I said, it's the least I can do."

His deep, mellow voice feels so comforting... comfort is probably the last word you'd associate with Kim Nam-Il, but just having him here instantly lifts my trodden spirit.

"I'd drive myself to Ulsan if I could, but I haven't got a car yet, and I..."

"Hey, don't worry about it," he says as he pulls back, then looks like he's suddenly remembering something and quirks his eyebrows. "Come to think of it, you bring some gas money with you?"

I laugh. I almost forget how good it feels to be able to laugh. "For this favor alone, Nam-Il... I'd give you all the money I have."

"Don't. I'll just dump it in my father's account like I did with my bonus."

"You really did that, didn't you?"

"What am I going to do with all that money?" he shrugs nonchalantly. "I bought this car before the World Cup, and all my other needs are already taken care of... let the old man worry about it."

After making sure that I lock up all my doors, I put my bag in the back seat and get into the passenger side. He starts up the engine and backs out of my driveway, and soon we're heading into the busy afternoon traffic in Busan. He slips on a pair of sunglasses and a baseball cap as we get to the busy intersections.

"Just in case," he says.

I smile and look out of my window. Busan is gearing up in preparation for the 2002 Asian Games to be held here in November. There are banners and flags fluttering in the sidewalks, giant TV screens advertising the events at busy traffic stops. I'm looking forward to it, if for no other reason than the fact that I miss my national team buddies, and I want to train and compete with them again. We' ve been tipped as heavy favorites to win this one, and I'm anxious to prove that we're really Asia's best team right now.

Once we hit the highways and the traffic becomes lighter, Nam-Il really puts his feet to the pedal. I can't object to that. I want to reach Ulsan as soon as possible, so as to have more time to spend with Chun-Soo.

"Have you worked out how you're going to reach Pohang in time for the match?" I ask.

"Huh? Oh, that... yes, I've worked something out."

"How?"

"Oh, you'll see..." he smiles wickedly. "You'll see."

We get out of the city and into a stretch of road flanked by greenery on either side, and I'm finally able to relax. I let out a long sigh and stretch my arms a bit.

"You look like you've had a tiring day..." Nam-Il comments.

"Physically, no... emotionally, yes." I say.

"Something new that I haven't heard of?"

"Possibly. Did you read the Korea Times?"

"No."

"The sports section had a story in it this morning¡K" I say ruefully. "Unfortunately, the Times isn't one of those cheap sports tabloids that you can laugh at and toss into the garbage bin afterwards... though I almost wished it were."

He glances over at me briefly, then returns his sight to the road. "What did it say?"

I take a deep breath before continuing. "Apparently, the Ulsan club president sent a fax to Southampton a few days ago - and whatever it was, they didn't bother to notify Chun-Soo or his agent about it."

"They-what?"

I nod my head, feeling repressed anger boiling back to the surface "The reporter had reason to believe that the fax was about Ulsan' s formal rejection of Southampton's trial offer unless they agree for a permanent transfer."

Nam-Il looks over at me, his expression shocked. "How the hell could they have sent something like that without notifying him?"

"And it gets worse. Chun-Soo's agent discovered this and showed him the fax, and he almost... he passed out."

I watch Nam-Il's knuckles turn pale as he grips the steering wheel hard. "Damn."

"They're treating him like he's some sort of bargaining chip. I know this is how things go in football, but..."

"No, Chong-Gug... this isn't how things go in football." Nam-Il says bitterly. "They're supposed to involve him in any sort of negotiations and they have no right to keep him in the dark about his own status. It's almost like..."

"Like they're doing everything possible to make sure that he doesn' t go." I finish the sentence for him.

My hands are clenching into fists at the thought. As bad as it was, I could understand the Ulsan club's initial relutcance to let him go... but now things are different. They're starting to hurt him. They're starting to really hurt my Little Tiger.

I should have been there for him. I should've been able to protect him, to ease his pain. But what difference could I have made?

"Correct me if I'm wrong, Chong-Gug... but I thought Chun-Soo had an agreement with Hyundai that they wouldn't stand in the way if he's offered to play abroad."

"I thought so, too..." I mumble bitterly. "Unfortunately the agreement was not a written one, and at that time they weren't banking on him being their biggest attraction."

Nam-Il shakes his head disgustedly. "Screw those corporate types..."

"I want to kill them." I say darkly. "I want to kill them all, Nam- Il."

"Not just `borderline' homicidal about this now, huh?"

"Oh, I'm waaay over the border at this point!" I hiss sharply, tossing my arms in the air.

"Good, `cause I have a crowbar and a Ye Do sword stashed in the trunk. You wanna stop by the Ulsan Hyundai headquarters and slaughter some of the suits?"

I snap my head in his direction, trying to figure out if he's serious or just joking. Nam-Il's bland expression holds for a few seconds, but then his body begins to shake.

Pretty soon he was laughing uncontrollably, and I was laughing right along with him. I lean back against the headrest and let it all out-the laughter, the bitterness, the emotional weight I've been carrying around for days.

"Relax, Chong-Gug..." he says as he steps on the gas pedal. "No use booking this trip if you don't plan on making good use of it."

He's right. Nam-Il's right. I'm going to see my Little Tiger, and whatever happens I'm going to be with him. I'll be able to hold him and comfort him, to give him strength and to draw strength from him.

The sun was setting as we got to the outskirts of Ulsan, and Nam-Il looks around a little warily. He steers clear of major intersections and opts to take a longer route around the city, glancing in the rear view mirror every few minutes.

"Better safe than sorry," he mutters. "Chun-Soo's place is a little too close to the crowded beachfront area for my comfort, and we can't let anyone else know we're here."

I nod and squirm in my seat a little, feeling anxious.

"It's raining..." I say as I gaze into the darkening skies. A light drizzle is beginning to fall, dotting the windshield with liquid spots.

"Good... keeps most people at home and not wandering the streets. We'll be a lot safer that way."

Finally we pull into the driveway of a house in one of Ulsan's newly- built elite residential areas, in the Dong-Gu district near the beach. It's not as big as mine, but there's significantly more distance between neighboring houses.

The garage door opens - one of those automatic remote-controlled types. Nam-Il maneuvers the car in and parks it beside the only other vehicle in the garage - Chun-Soo's yellow Hyundai Coupe.

Once the car is safely in, the garage door rolls back down with a whirring mechanical thud, concealing Nam-Il's car from the streets. As I open my door and step outside, I realize that my legs are shaking. No, not just my legs. My entire body is shaking.

A door at the end of the garage swings open hastily, and I hear an ear-splitting scream that may just be the most wonderful sound in the entire universe.

"CHONG-GUG!!!"

Before I know it, Chun-Soo is bounding through that door and running towards me. Arms open, knees weak, I feel him leap into my embrace, his limbs wrapping tightly around me like his life depends on it. I hold him, I hold him as tight as I can with no intention of ever letting go.

"Chong-Gug..." he cries into my shoulder, wetting it with the tears that are streaming uncontrollably down his face. "Chong-Gug..."

"I'm here...I'm here, Little Tiger." I say, my voice croaking over the lump I feel in my throat. "It's okay, I'm here."

My words seem so futile at this point. How many times have I told him that he was mine? How many times have I promised him that I would watch over him, that I would protect him? And where have those promises gone now? I feel like I've failed him somehow, like I didn' t do enough to help him when he needed it the most.

Nam-Il has retrieved my bag, and is now standing a short distance away from us, car keys jingling in his left hand. I look at him past Chun-Soo's shoulders, trying to read the expression on his face.

He's smiling. Not that cynical, mocking smile you so often see on his face... a genuine, sympathetic smile.

I extend my arm towards him - I want to touch him, want to shake his hand or whatever, want to thank him and tell him that I owe him my life, my dying breath, my blood's pledge... but the words just won't come out.

He reaches for my hand and laces his fingers through mine, squeezing our palms together tightly. I smile weakly at him, hoping whatever message I can't convey with words will get through him through this touch, this connection, hoping that he can feel just how much gratitude I feel for him right now.

"Let's go inside, shall we?" Nam-Il suggests after what feels like forever.

I nod, then gently pull myself loose from Chun-Soo. His eyes are red and tear-swollen, but his lips manages just the thinnest of smiles. "So glad you're here..." he whispers.

"Glad to be here, too..." I smile back, kissing him lightly on the forehead.

Nam-Il holds the door open for us as we step inside, my right arm still holding him tightly across the waist. Outside the rain is really starting to pour, but all I feel within these walls is warmth.

I am home. Wherever he's with me, I am home.

>> On to Part 3