This is another fic that popped totally out of the blue. The reason? The picture of Chun-Soo (see banner). The first time I saw it I had seizures. This is the angstiest picture of him I've ever seen, and gives insight into his spiritual nature. How could I resist?

And I've been wanting to write a fic based on Loreena McKennitt's 'Dante's Prayer' for ages. It's such a beautiful, spiritual song, and I'd recommend it to anybody.

Being neither Christian nor Catholic (though I went to Catholic schools), I hope I manage to capture the right atmosphere for this piece. So here goes.

When the dark wood fell before me
And all the paths were overgrown
When the priests of pride say there is no other way
I tilled the sorrows of stone

Dear God, I kneel before You tonight in gratitude for the strength You gave me tonight, for the strength You gave me as I played, for not abandoning me throughout the entire match. Thank You for letting me score that goal, thank You for letting me return from injury successfully, thank You for giving me the chance to prove just how good I can be.

Dear Lord, I know I am sometimes arrogant, I know I sometimes forget that all that is good within me comes from You, and they are not of my own doing. I am but a selfish, spoiled child that knows no humility, and I know that I have often angered You.

So it was only fitting that You taught me a hard lesson, that You let me suffer through anguish so that I may learn about not taking the good times for granted. It was painful, God, it was painful beyond anything I'd ever experienced before. But I knew You would not put me through a trial that I cannot survive, that You would not leave me in the darkness to die without Your guiding light.

And I survived.

I did not believe because I could not see
Though you came to me in the night
When the dawn seemed forever lost
You showed me your love in the light of the stars

You gave me strength, You opened my eyes, You sent me guardian Angels in the form of my closest friends on that dark, rainy night and within this house, within these walls, all was laid before me to see.

You gave me the love that I've longed for, the person who makes my heart sing with joy, and I spoiled it all because I thought only of myself and not of his own happiness. With my tears, I saddened him. With my body, I burdened him. With my words, I anguished him.

You took from me the man that I love most, for I have done him nothing but harm, for I have burdened him with my selfish needs. He was a gift from You that I spoiled, that I took for granted, and so You took him away. You did not take his love from me, but You took away his presence. The presence I've needlessly depended upon for strength that I should've sought out from You, the love that blinded me to all else around me.

Sure as these tears are falling from my eyes now, God, I still love him. But I cry these tears now not out of desperation like I have so many times before, but out of the shame of knowing that I have disappointed you once again.

Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me

Dear God, I miss him so bad...I miss him so bad I imagine his face every time I close my eyes and long desperately to hear his voice echo in my ears. I spend sleepless nights comforted only by memories, and by the faith I have in You.

You have taught me a hard lesson, indeed...but I know it was because I was too stubborn to learn it any other way. Through all that pain and disappointment, I expected him to be the one who lit my way through, I expected him to be my knight in shining armor, the hero that would carry me out of harm's way.

But ultimately, I realized that noone could save me but You.

Then the mountain rose before me
By the deep well of desire
From the fountain of forgiveness
Beyond the ice and the fire

I love him, dear God...I love him with every beat of this wretched, ungrateful little heart. And I am ever grateful for You not taking that feeling away from me. Even though it makes the lonely nights even lonelier, even though it makes the painful memories even more painful, I am grateful that You did not take this feeling away.

Please forgive me of all my sins, for I know they are too numerous to count. I am but a weak, weak soul trying to find my way in this world of Your creation, and I always stumble. Always. But You have always been there to pick me up, to mend my broken spirit and to heal my broken heart.

Do not abandon me now, Lord, for I need You now more than ever.

I know I've promised him that I'll be strong, I know I've promised the Captain that I'll be strong, but sometimes it's just so hard to do. Tonight I made the Captain proud, tonight he told me I should never stop believing that I'll never be alone, and I believe. I believe, dear God, I believe.

But after the noise dies down and the lights are turned off, after I am left alone here with nothing for my company, that is when the loneliness starts to haunt me. That is when his face seem to reflect on every wall, every flicker of light, that's when his laughter echoes in every little noise I hear, that's where his entire being seem to fill my own silence, when I break down and curse myself for having done what I did.

I know it had to happen, God...I know You had to take him away so that I may learn my lesson, so that I may find strength within myself and not depend on him. But there are times where everything feels so empty, where my heart feels so empty and only the dream of someday being with him again keeps me alive.

Lord, I know you will not give me false hope. If he is not meant for me, then do not let me think so. Do not let this weak heart fall again, for it will shatter into pieces that may never heal. Do not let me rush into conclusion, do not let my arrogance get the better of me. For I have nearly destroyed myself with it, and I have nearly destroyed him too.

Though we share this humble path, alone
How fragile is the heart
Oh give these clay feet wings to fly
To touch the face of the stars

Dear God, this coming Wednesday I have to play against him. For the first time in my life, I have to play against him in a real match. It may be fun, but then again it may be the most difficult challenge yet for me to overcome.

Please give my heart a firm resolve, Lord, so I do not run into his arms the way I did with the Captain tonight. Though I may need it, though I may need it more than anything else in the world right now, I know he doesn't. That is the last thing he needs from me: my dependence on him, my longing for him. He knows I love him, and I know he loves me, and that is enough. Please let it be enough, God, please let it be enough...

Please don't let me falter the moment I lay my eyes on him, please strengthen these weak barriers that I have within me. Please let me make him proud of me the way I made the Captain proud of me tonight. Do not let me fail him, Lord, do not let me fail.

Breathe life into this feeble heart
Lift this mortal veil of fear
Take these crumbled hopes, etched with tears
We'll rise above these earthly cares

Maybe someday, when all the fog has cleared, when the cloud has been lifted, when my heart can see with a clear vision and not with blind infatuation, maybe then we'll be ready. And may You give us Your blessings then, Lord, for without it we are nothing. I know there are people out there who will see this love as wrong, dear God...see it as sinful and blasphemous. But how can it be, when I know it comes from You?

How can something so beautiful, so precious, be so wrong?

Love is a gift, and that gift comes from You and You alone. So I know You must have meant for me to love him, and for him to love me. There is no doubt in my mind that You let us love each other because it was what You wanted for us.

And when You took him away, I know it was for the best. For both of us.

Please remember me
Please remember me

And so, God...I end this prayer as I kneel before you, my face stained with tears that I am not ashamed of, and I pray for his soul.

I pray for the soul of Song Chong-Gug, for the man who holds my heart in his hands, whose heart I hold in mine.

I pray too for the soul of Hong Myung-Bo, who gave me hope where there was none.

I pray for the soul of Kim Nam-Il, whose concern I may never be able to repay.

I pray for the soul of Ahn Jung-Hwan, for whom no words are necessary.

I pray for all five of us who gathered here that night, whose presence I still feel within these walls.

For I know that everything that took place that night, every spoken word and every truth revealed, happened because of You.

Thank You God, for opening my eyes and letting me see just what a fool I'd been, for giving me this chance to atone for all my mistakes, to someday regain the love that I lost that night.

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost... Amen.

~FIN~
(Lyrics from: 'Dante's Prayer' by Loreena McKennitt)